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Short Jokes
Dad: “Today I’ve read we need to buy less Christmas presents and do more fun activities together.” Son: “I’m glad I cannot read.”
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Dad: “Today I’ve read we need to buy less Christmas presents and do more fun activities together.” Son: “I’m glad I cannot read.”
Short Jokes
Charlie: “Hey, Mom, tomorrow there’s a small PTA meeting.” Mom: “What do you mean by “small?” Charlie: “Well, it’s just you, me, and the principal.”
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Charlie: “Hey, Mom, tomorrow there’s a small PTA meeting.” Mom: “What do you mean by “small?” Charlie: “Well, it’s just you, me, and the principal.”
Puns
Short Jokes
Teacher: “The law of gravity explains why we stay on the ground.” Chloe: “How did we stay on the ground before the law was passed?”
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Teacher: “The law of gravity explains why we stay on the ground.” Chloe: “How did we stay on the ground before the law was passed?”
Short Jokes
Judge: “I find you guilty, and I’m giving you a choice: fifteen thousand dollars or six months in jail.” Defendant: “Your Honor, I’ll take the money!”
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Judge: “I find you guilty, and I’m giving you a choice: fifteen thousand dollars or six months in jail.” Defendant: “Your Honor, I’ll take the money!”
Puns
My son is studying to be a surgeon, I just hope he makes the cut.
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My son is studying to be a surgeon, I just hope he makes the cut.
Puns
A bartender broke up with his girlfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
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A bartender broke up with his girlfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
Short Jokes
Jeanne: “Mom, I got a hundred in school today!” Mom: “Good job! What did you get a hundred in?” Jeanne: “In two things. I got a forty in math and
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Jeanne: “Mom, I got a hundred in school today!” Mom: “Good job! What did you get a hundred in?” Jeanne: “In two things. I got a forty in math and a sixty in spelling.”
Long Jokes
A wealthy ninety year old tycoon is meeting with is financial advisor. The advisor is very excited and tells the old man. “ I just found out about an investment
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A wealthy ninety year old tycoon is meeting with is financial advisor. The advisor is very excited and tells the old man. “ I just found out about an investment I can make for you which will double your money in just five years!”“ Five years? Are you kidding?” exclaims the old man. “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas!”
Puns
My lumberjack friend sometimes supplies me with wood to build home furniture. It’s his random axe of kindness.
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My lumberjack friend sometimes supplies me with wood to build home furniture. It’s his random axe of kindness.
Short Jokes
I bought a book about hair loss and the pages keep falling out.
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I bought a book about hair loss and the pages keep falling out.
Puns
I heard that urban humor is popular in Latin America. You know. Ciudad jokes.
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I heard that urban humor is popular in Latin America. You know. Ciudad jokes.
Puns
Just give it a rest is such a blanket statement.
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Just give it a rest is such a blanket statement.
Short Jokes
An elderly couple fell in love. He got down on one knee and said, “I have two questions for you: One, will you marry me?” – “Yes, of course. What’s
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An elderly couple fell in love. He got down on one knee and said, “I have two questions for you: One, will you marry me?” – “Yes, of course. What’s the the other question?” – “Can you help me up?”.
Puns
Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.
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Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.
Puns
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classical Conditioning.
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Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classical Conditioning.
Puns
It turns out that Diet Mountain Dew is the same price in vending machines on campus as it is at local grocery stores – I haven’t done my Dew diligence.
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It turns out that Diet Mountain Dew is the same price in vending machines on campus as it is at local grocery stores – I haven’t done my Dew diligence.
Short Jokes
I stayed on a ranch last weekend, but couldn’t really sleep well. Every time I’d drift off, a female horse would whinny and wake me back off. It was a
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I stayed on a ranch last weekend, but couldn’t really sleep well. Every time I’d drift off, a female horse would whinny and wake me back off. It was a night-mare.
Short Jokes
Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an
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Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt. “That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”
Short Jokes
Got home to find my kids on eBay all day. If they’re still there tomorrow I’ll lower the price.
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Got home to find my kids on eBay all day. If they’re still there tomorrow I’ll lower the price.
Puns
Why are there pop tarts, but no mom tarts? Because of the pastryarchy.
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Why are there pop tarts, but no mom tarts? Because of the pastryarchy.
Long Jokes
Three mice are sitting around boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says, “Mouse traps are nothing! I do push-ups with the bar.” The second mouse pulls a pill from
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Three mice are sitting around boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says, “Mouse traps are nothing! I do push-ups with the bar.” The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin, “That was rat poison.” The third mouse got up to leave. The first mouse says, “Where do you think you’re going?” “It’s time to go home and chase the cat.
Short Jokes
A teacher lecturing on population growth — “In India, after every 10 second a women gives birth to a kid.” A boy stands up, and says — “We must find
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A teacher lecturing on population growth — “In India, after every 10 second a women gives birth to a kid.” A boy stands up, and says — “We must find and stop her.”
Long Jokes
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness,” her mother
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness,” her mother explained, “and today is the happiest day in her life.” The child thought for a moment and then asked, “So why is the groom wearing black?”