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Puns
I recently ordered a new sail for my boat. A few days later I realized I’d made a mistake and called to change the order. The person that answered said,
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I recently ordered a new sail for my boat. A few days later I realized I’d made a mistake and called to change the order. The person that answered said, “Sorry pal, that sail has shipped.”
Puns
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof…I was shocked.
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When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof…I was shocked.
Puns
I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone. And then Samsung.
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I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone. And then Samsung.
Puns
That’s the 10th passenger today who’s called me a terrible bus driver. I don’t know where these people get off.
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That’s the 10th passenger today who’s called me a terrible bus driver. I don’t know where these people get off.
Puns
My windshield was covered in ice this morning and I didn’t have a proper scraper to remove it so I used my store discount card. But I only got 20%
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My windshield was covered in ice this morning and I didn’t have a proper scraper to remove it so I used my store discount card. But I only got 20% off.
Puns
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
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What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
Puns
What did the electrician’s boss say when he came late to work? Wire you insulate.
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What did the electrician’s boss say when he came late to work? Wire you insulate.
Puns
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks
Puns
Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products. Apparently I’m an excellent roll model.
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Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products. Apparently I’m an excellent roll model.
Puns
They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose or draw.
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They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose or draw.
Puns
My house was making so many weird noises I ended up taking it to court. It settled.
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My house was making so many weird noises I ended up taking it to court. It settled.
Puns
Knock-knock! Who’s there? Irish! Irish who? Irish I could think of a better joke!
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Knock-knock! Who’s there? Irish! Irish who? Irish I could think of a better joke!
Puns
Hear the one about the girl who went to the hair salon? It was the highlight of her day!
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Hear the one about the girl who went to the hair salon? It was the highlight of her day!
Puns
Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows? They were trying to beef up security.
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Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows? They were trying to beef up security.
Puns
What do you call a color that doesn’t exist? A pigment of your imagination.
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What do you call a color that doesn’t exist? A pigment of your imagination.
Puns
What are the most difficult letters of the alphabet? Everything other than EZ.
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What are the most difficult letters of the alphabet? Everything other than EZ.
Puns
I been watching a channel on TV that is strictly just about origami — of course it is paper-view.
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I been watching a channel on TV that is strictly just about origami — of course it is paper-view.
Puns
Thank you student loan for helping me through college…I don’t think I can ever repay you.
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Thank you student loan for helping me through college…I don’t think I can ever repay you.
Puns
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
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How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
Puns
I did some reading at the hair salon while I got my perm. I was curled up with a good book.
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I did some reading at the hair salon while I got my perm. I was curled up with a good book.
Puns
My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework. I should probably help him before he stops counting on me.
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My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework. I should probably help him before he stops counting on me.
Puns
What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.
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What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.
Puns
Dad jokes leave me numb. But math jokes leave me number.
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Dad jokes leave me numb. But math jokes leave me number.
Puns
What kind of vehicle falls asleep when it opens the kitchen cabinet? A bowl dozer.
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What kind of vehicle falls asleep when it opens the kitchen cabinet? A bowl dozer.