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Puns
What sits up a tree and goes “Aaaaaah”? An owl with a speech impediment.
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What sits up a tree and goes “Aaaaaah”? An owl with a speech impediment.
Puns
A horse goes into a bar. Barkeeper: “Why the long face?”
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A horse goes into a bar. Barkeeper: “Why the long face?”
Puns
Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
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Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
Puns
A mattress company offered me a job selling mattresses. I told them I need to sleep on it.
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A mattress company offered me a job selling mattresses. I told them I need to sleep on it.
Puns
I always scrape out the bottom of the alphabet soup can. I’ts not that I’m frugal, I just enjoy having the last word.
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I always scrape out the bottom of the alphabet soup can. I’ts not that I’m frugal, I just enjoy having the last word.
Puns
I accidentally drank invisible ink. I’m in the hospital now waiting to be seen.
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I accidentally drank invisible ink. I’m in the hospital now waiting to be seen.
Puns
Puns
Because one liners are so short, accurate spelling is vital. There is very little margarine for error.
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Because one liners are so short, accurate spelling is vital. There is very little margarine for error.
Puns
After 5 years of training I’ve just qualified as a mountaineering instructor. I have to say, it’s been a long, uphill struggle.
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After 5 years of training I’ve just qualified as a mountaineering instructor. I have to say, it’s been a long, uphill struggle.
Puns
ATTENTION. The pool will be closed until further notice. Sorry for the incontinence.
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ATTENTION. The pool will be closed until further notice. Sorry for the incontinence.
Puns
I met a microbiologist the other day. He was much bigger than I expected.
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I met a microbiologist the other day. He was much bigger than I expected.
Puns
He claimed he could throw a stick 20 miles away and his dog would find it. I told him it sounded far-fetched.
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He claimed he could throw a stick 20 miles away and his dog would find it. I told him it sounded far-fetched.
Puns
I fell over this morning and hit my head on my set of drums. I think I have a percussion.
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I fell over this morning and hit my head on my set of drums. I think I have a percussion.
Puns
If a turkey runs away, does that make it a chicken?
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If a turkey runs away, does that make it a chicken?
Puns
What would happen if the universe exploded? No matter.
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What would happen if the universe exploded? No matter.
Puns
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
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Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Puns
I saw this man getting attacked by seagulls, I think he had a chip on his shoulder.
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I saw this man getting attacked by seagulls, I think he had a chip on his shoulder.
Puns
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
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If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
Puns
When you get a bladder infection — urine trouble.
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When you get a bladder infection — urine trouble.
Puns
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
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I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Puns
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
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There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
Puns
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the aliens. They are calling it — Apollo G.
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NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the aliens. They are calling it — Apollo G.
Puns
I had forgotten which direction I thew my boomarang — then it hit me.
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I had forgotten which direction I thew my boomarang — then it hit me.
Puns
Dyslexic prisoners are not helped by long sentences.
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Dyslexic prisoners are not helped by long sentences.