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I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
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A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist.
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A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist.
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My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.
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My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.
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If theres an infinite number of realities, then theres a reality where there arent any realities…
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If theres an infinite number of realities, then theres a reality where there arent any realities…
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The salesman at the furniture store told me, This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems. I said, Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?
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The salesman at the furniture store told me, This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems. I said, Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?
Social Posts
I made a resolution to read more…so I put the subtitles on my TV.
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I made a resolution to read more…so I put the subtitles on my TV.
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Its been six months since I joined the gym and no progress. Im gonna go in person tomorrow to see whats really going on.
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Its been six months since I joined the gym and no progress. Im gonna go in person tomorrow to see whats really going on.
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I can’t get over the fact that the word ‘gullible’ upside down looks like a cat.
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I can’t get over the fact that the word ‘gullible’ upside down looks like a cat.
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My toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
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My toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
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The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment.
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The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment.
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I sympathize with batteries…I’m not included in anything either.
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I sympathize with batteries…I’m not included in anything either.
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We must all do our part for the planet. For example, before I got here tonight, I unplugged a row of electric cars that no one was using.
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We must all do our part for the planet. For example, before I got here tonight, I unplugged a row of electric cars that no one was using.
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When you realize that waiting for the waiter makes you the waiter.
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When you realize that waiting for the waiter makes you the waiter.
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Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
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Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
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Sometimes I call the number on the missing cat posters and just meow.
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Sometimes I call the number on the missing cat posters and just meow.
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Almost everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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Almost everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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I don’t like to brag about expensive places I’ve been…..but, last night I went to the grocery store.
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I don’t like to brag about expensive places I’ve been…..but, last night I went to the grocery store.
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We should be able to call into work healthy. Like, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and don’t want to waste it on being at
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We should be able to call into work healthy. Like, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and don’t want to waste it on being at work.
Social Posts
Im not an adventurous type of person – for example, Ive only ever used one side of a cheese grater.
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Im not an adventurous type of person – for example, Ive only ever used one side of a cheese grater.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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They say a persons car reflects their personality…I don’t have a car.
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They say a persons car reflects their personality…I don’t have a car.
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An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.
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An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.