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All I ask is the chance to prove that money cant buy happiness.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money cant buy happiness.
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Google Earth is amazing. Theyve photographed every road in the world and put them on the computer. You just type it in and you go there. You sit in front
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Google Earth is amazing. Theyve photographed every road in the world and put them on the computer. You just type it in and you go there. You sit in front of the computer and you think, I can go anywhere in the world. Where shall I go? And we all come to the same conclusion: My house.
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Friends make you smile best friends make you giggle til you pee your pants
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Friends make you smile best friends make you giggle til you pee your pants
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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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I never feel more alone than when Im trying to put sunscreen on my back.
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I never feel more alone than when Im trying to put sunscreen on my back.
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It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
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It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
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My gut is never wrong. It may hang over my pants a little, but it knows.
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My gut is never wrong. It may hang over my pants a little, but it knows.
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I was born a male, identify as a male, but according toe Stouffers lasagna, I am a family of four.
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I was born a male, identify as a male, but according toe Stouffers lasagna, I am a family of four.
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If Dracula cant see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If Dracula cant see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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When youre cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
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When youre cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
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I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
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I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
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If really good looking people are ‘eye candy’, I guess that puts me somewhere around the ‘eye broccoli’ category.
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If really good looking people are ‘eye candy’, I guess that puts me somewhere around the ‘eye broccoli’ category.
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Apparently, when you donate blood it has to be your own.
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Apparently, when you donate blood it has to be your own.
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My bank is the worst. They’re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can’t even afford to be broke.
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My bank is the worst. They’re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can’t even afford to be broke.
Social Posts
Social media has taught me a couple of things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
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Social media has taught me a couple of things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
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What do Facebook and the fridge have in common? Even though you know that theres nothing there, you still go and check every 10 minutes.”
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What do Facebook and the fridge have in common? Even though you know that theres nothing there, you still go and check every 10 minutes.”
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If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharksit cost me an arm and a leg!
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If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharksit cost me an arm and a leg!
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If Snapchat has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of you look better as farm animals.
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If Snapchat has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of you look better as farm animals.
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You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
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You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
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Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use for two people remembering the same thing.
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Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use for two people remembering the same thing.
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Keep the dream alive hit your snooze button.
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Keep the dream alive hit your snooze button.
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With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.
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With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.