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When I was in school I was often accused of eaves-dropping – I just wish they had the guts to say it to my face.
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When I was in school I was often accused of eaves-dropping – I just wish they had the guts to say it to my face.
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Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth.
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Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before they open their mouth.
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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer – oh wait, he does.
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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer – oh wait, he does.
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Plagiarism: Getting into trouble for something you didnt do.
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Plagiarism: Getting into trouble for something you didnt do.
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Pessimist: Oh, this can’t get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can
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Pessimist: Oh, this can’t get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can
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Lately, coworkers have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. Im currently eating a sandwich named Kevin.
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Lately, coworkers have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. Im currently eating a sandwich named Kevin.
Social Posts
Borrow money from pessimist — they don’t expect it back.?
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Borrow money from pessimist — they don’t expect it back.?
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The fact that Head & Shoulders doesnt have a body wash called Knees & Toes disappoints me.
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The fact that Head & Shoulders doesnt have a body wash called Knees & Toes disappoints me.
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I wonder if Sally’s parents were like “Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Not a very bright kid.”
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I wonder if Sally’s parents were like “Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Not a very bright kid.”
Social Posts
I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.
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I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.
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I get plenty of exercise at work: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
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I get plenty of exercise at work: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Social Posts
Boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
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Boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
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Funny, those road signs: “Caution – Watch for children!” I mean, how dangerous can a child be?
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Funny, those road signs: “Caution – Watch for children!” I mean, how dangerous can a child be?
Social Posts
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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My wife likes it when I blow air on her when shes hot, but honestly – Im not a fan.
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My wife likes it when I blow air on her when shes hot, but honestly – Im not a fan.
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I visited the doctor today and he told me I was going deaf. That was difficult to hear.
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I visited the doctor today and he told me I was going deaf. That was difficult to hear.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.
Social Posts
My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are, but I laugh more.
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My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are, but I laugh more.
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I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
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I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
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I dont have a dad bod — I have a father figure.
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I dont have a dad bod — I have a father figure.
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I don’t know what’s up with this bottle of Whiskey, but I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
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I don’t know what’s up with this bottle of Whiskey, but I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
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My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
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My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. Its called Lunch.
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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. Its called Lunch.
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I have clean conscience. I havent used it once.
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I have clean conscience. I havent used it once.