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It was only after I started dancing in the food court – alone — that I learned flash mobs are planned.
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It was only after I started dancing in the food court – alone — that I learned flash mobs are planned.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Social Posts
I bought a book yesterday – a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard.
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I bought a book yesterday – a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard.
Social Posts
One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young, if they panic, you’re old.
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One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young, if they panic, you’re old.
Social Posts
China has blocked Facebook. So now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I’m having for lunch.
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China has blocked Facebook. So now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I’m having for lunch.
Social Posts
Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it, embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
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Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it, embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
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The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
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The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
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It’s a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That’s a bill I gave to Jesus
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It’s a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That’s a bill I gave to Jesus
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I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
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I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Social Posts
You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
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You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
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I think a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!
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I think a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!
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I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else’s.
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I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else’s.
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Mary had a little lamb — and it was delicious!
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Mary had a little lamb — and it was delicious!
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My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says “Your password is incorrect”, I type in: “incorrect” and the silly thing still tells me the same thing.
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My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says “Your password is incorrect”, I type in: “incorrect” and the silly thing still tells me the same thing.
Social Posts
There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left. She obviously wasn’t blind at all.
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There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left. She obviously wasn’t blind at all.
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My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
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My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
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A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson’s movie family.
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A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson’s movie family.
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Don’t buy whitening toothpaste It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. 15 days have come and gone, and I am still Asian.
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Don’t buy whitening toothpaste It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. 15 days have come and gone, and I am still Asian.
Social Posts
I overheard two female coworkers say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
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I overheard two female coworkers say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
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Interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? Me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group
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Interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? Me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group
Social Posts
Sorry about the concussion Steve, but it wouldn’t be called a “trust fall” if it worked every time.
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Sorry about the concussion Steve, but it wouldn’t be called a “trust fall” if it worked every time.
Social Posts
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don’t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
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I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don’t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Social Posts
They should just rename double stuffed Oreos to regular Oreos. And rename regular Oreos to “Do it Yourself Double Oreo Kits”.
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They should just rename double stuffed Oreos to regular Oreos. And rename regular Oreos to “Do it Yourself Double Oreo Kits”.
Social Posts
I’ve just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer’s conference. “Do you know who I am?” I shouted.
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I’ve just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer’s conference. “Do you know who I am?” I shouted.