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Short Jokes
People don’t hold hands in public like they used to. Especially if they don’t know you.
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People don’t hold hands in public like they used to. Especially if they don’t know you.
Short Jokes
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?” “It’s called the door.”
Short Jokes
Man: “Do you think I’ll lose my looks when I get older?” Friend: “With luck, yes.”
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Man: “Do you think I’ll lose my looks when I get older?” Friend: “With luck, yes.”
Short Jokes
Teacher: “So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan’s ears were cut off if they didn’t attend church services.” Student: “I bet they didn’t like the sound of that.”
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Teacher: “So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan’s ears were cut off if they didn’t attend church services.” Student: “I bet they didn’t like the sound of that.”
Short Jokes
Since workaholics are people addicted to work and chocaholics are people addicted to chocolate, so are Catholics people addicted to cats?
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Since workaholics are people addicted to work and chocaholics are people addicted to chocolate, so are Catholics people addicted to cats?
Puns
Q: Why did the witch buy a computer? A: She needed the spellcheck.
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Q: Why did the witch buy a computer? A: She needed the spellcheck.
Long Jokes
Mary took her husband Bernie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining him, the doctor took Mary to one side and said, “I have some very bad
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Mary took her husband Bernie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining him, the doctor took Mary to one side and said, “I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your husband. His mind has completely gone.” “I’m not really surprised,” Mary replied, “Bernie’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years.”
Puns
I once worked as a mannequin in a clothing store. I held that position for a long time.
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I once worked as a mannequin in a clothing store. I held that position for a long time.
Short Jokes
Started to go to the gym this morning and couldn’t find my membership card. A new one is $10. A donut and coffee were $3. Guess who saved $7 …
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Started to go to the gym this morning and couldn’t find my membership card. A new one is $10. A donut and coffee were $3. Guess who saved $7 …
Long Jokes
Elsie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband copied and retouched. She said to the technician, “I have always hated the hat that my
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Elsie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband copied and retouched. She said to the technician, “I have always hated the hat that my husband is wearing in the photo. Could you please retouch the hat out?” “Of course,” said the technician; “what color hair did your husband have?” “When you take the hat off, you’ll see,” she said.
Short Jokes
Got a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn’t understand me so I told him to press 1 for English.
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Got a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn’t understand me so I told him to press 1 for English.
Short Jokes
Philip is telling his friends about his recent divorce. “Yes, it’s true. Sylvie divorced me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn’t have any.”
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Philip is telling his friends about his recent divorce. “Yes, it’s true. Sylvie divorced me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn’t have any.”
Short Jokes
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for?” says
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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for?” says the her husband. “He must be half-a-mile away by now.”
Short Jokes
Any pencil can be a number 2 pencil if you eat it.
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Any pencil can be a number 2 pencil if you eat it.
Puns
Did you hear that the Hulk has started recycling? He’s really going green.
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Did you hear that the Hulk has started recycling? He’s really going green.
Puns
I tried for years to snap my thumb and finger together – and suddenly it clicked.
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I tried for years to snap my thumb and finger together – and suddenly it clicked.
Long Jokes
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test
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A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.”
Puns
How many college football players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one but he gets 3 credits for it.
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How many college football players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one but he gets 3 credits for it.
Short Jokes
Father: “So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?” Boyfriend: “Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven’t much choice.”
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Father: “So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?” Boyfriend: “Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven’t much choice.”
Short Jokes
Two executives were talking in the executive washroom. “My wife just old me this morning that I don’t display enough passion. Imagine the audacity! I’m going to send her a
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Two executives were talking in the executive washroom. “My wife just old me this morning that I don’t display enough passion. Imagine the audacity! I’m going to send her a memo.”
Short Jokes
What is a 4 letter sport that starts with a T? Golf.
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What is a 4 letter sport that starts with a T? Golf.
Puns
Have you heard about the sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.
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Have you heard about the sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.
Puns
The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much
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The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.
Puns
Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.
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Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.