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Short Jokes
My girlfriend told me I need to get in shape. I told he — I am in shape!! Round is a shape!
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My girlfriend told me I need to get in shape. I told he — I am in shape!! Round is a shape!
Puns
How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement? Collecting stocks and bonds.
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How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement? Collecting stocks and bonds.
Puns
Avoiding the use of French-derived words is not my forte.
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Avoiding the use of French-derived words is not my forte.
Short Jokes
The worst part of Thanksgiving is all of the leftovers — and having to heat them up every time I want to eat — since I quit cold turkey.
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The worst part of Thanksgiving is all of the leftovers — and having to heat them up every time I want to eat — since I quit cold turkey.
Short Jokes
My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she’s in for a shock.
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My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she’s in for a shock.
Short Jokes
My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am!
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My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am!
Social Posts
One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young, if they panic, you’re old.
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One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young, if they panic, you’re old.
Puns
You know what is intense? Camping — is intense.
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You know what is intense? Camping — is intense.
Puns
What do you call a negative Mexican? A Mexican’t
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What do you call a negative Mexican? A Mexican’t
Social Posts
I bought a book yesterday – a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard.
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I bought a book yesterday – a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard.
Short Jokes
Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They’re always taking things literally.
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Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They’re always taking things literally.
Puns
What do Australian chess players say when they’re finished eating at a restaurant? Check mate.
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What do Australian chess players say when they’re finished eating at a restaurant? Check mate.
Puns
Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers? No you should eat your fingers separately!
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Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers? No you should eat your fingers separately!
Short Jokes
Diary: June 28, 1954. “So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.” June 30, 1954. I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok.
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Diary: June 28, 1954. “So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.” June 30, 1954. I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok.
Puns
What do you call a party of communists that haven’t seen each other in years? Soviet Reunion.
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What do you call a party of communists that haven’t seen each other in years? Soviet Reunion.
Puns
My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library. I said it’s for shelf-defense.
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My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library. I said it’s for shelf-defense.
Puns
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
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What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Short Jokes
Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory? He didn’t like being spoken to in that voice
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Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory? He didn’t like being spoken to in that voice
Short Jokes
So I was at the bar last night, and the waitress screamed — “Anyone know CPR?!” I said, “Sure, I know the entire alphabet!” Everyone laughed…except this one guy.
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So I was at the bar last night, and the waitress screamed — “Anyone know CPR?!” I said, “Sure, I know the entire alphabet!” Everyone laughed…except this one guy.
Puns
You make cool foam designs on top of your coffee? Well latte-da.
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You make cool foam designs on top of your coffee? Well latte-da.
Puns
Spoiler Alert I just watched the movie called the Fast and Furious. It’s about racing cars. I just couldn’t get into it because there were too many spoilers.
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Spoiler Alert I just watched the movie called the Fast and Furious. It’s about racing cars. I just couldn’t get into it because there were too many spoilers.