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China has blocked Facebook. So now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I’m having for lunch.
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China has blocked Facebook. So now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I’m having for lunch.
Puns
If two vegetarians are arguing Is it considered a beef?
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If two vegetarians are arguing Is it considered a beef?
Puns
My friend keeps saying, “sheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
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My friend keeps saying, “sheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
Short Jokes
I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.
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I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.
Puns
I wanted to make my racing snail faster so I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
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I wanted to make my racing snail faster so I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
Puns
My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks. They are all very well done
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My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks. They are all very well done
Puns
Principal: “I’ve had complaints about you Johnny from all of your teachers. What have you been doing?” Johnny: “Nothing, sir.” Principal: “Exactly!”
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Principal: “I’ve had complaints about you Johnny from all of your teachers. What have you been doing?” Johnny: “Nothing, sir.” Principal: “Exactly!”
Puns
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall
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Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall
Puns
What is a Polish person’s favorite tool? A Warsaw.
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What is a Polish person’s favorite tool? A Warsaw.
Puns
What do you call a team of Christian mutant superheroes? The A-Men
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What do you call a team of Christian mutant superheroes? The A-Men
Puns
What times does the Chinaman go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
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What times does the Chinaman go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Puns
Which knight of the round table had Diabetes? Sir Lance-a-lot
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Which knight of the round table had Diabetes? Sir Lance-a-lot
Puns
There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count, and those you can not.
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There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count, and those you can not.
Puns
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
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What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
Puns
The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop and asked them to make him one with everything.
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The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop and asked them to make him one with everything.
Puns
My friend said he was a harp — but he was obviously a lyre.
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My friend said he was a harp — but he was obviously a lyre.
Puns
I’ve just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t done a gig yet.
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I’ve just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t done a gig yet.
Social Posts
You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
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You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
Puns
Midgets and dwarfs have very little in common.
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Midgets and dwarfs have very little in common.
Short Jokes
I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.
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I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.
Puns
Sandwich walk into a bar — the bartender said, sorry, we don’t serve food.
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Sandwich walk into a bar — the bartender said, sorry, we don’t serve food.