Wanna hear a Joke about a Jump rope? Nah, let’s just skip it.

I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.

I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar — a guy came up to me and said, “Your days are numbered”

What do you call a dog that is a magician? A Labara Cadabarador

Why do felines always win board games? Because they are cheetahs.

I was going to major in cosmetology, but then they shut down the space program.

I ate the last piece of flan that my wife and I have been fighting over I won the custardy battle.

Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.

What kind of pizzas can tell the future? Medium Pizzas

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s R but his first love will always be the C.

The thing about boats – ff we don’t bow, everyone gets stern.

Why do I tell jokes in elevators? Because they’re funny on many levels.

Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight? He brought the wrong carrion.

I just met someone who was a steam-roller operator. He was such a flatterer.

What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs? Banner.