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Short Jokes
By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it’s raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?!
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By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it’s raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?!
Social Posts
I’ve just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer’s conference. “Do you know who I am?” I shouted.
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I’ve just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer’s conference. “Do you know who I am?” I shouted.
Short Jokes
While climbing in the attic space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I’d forgotten last year. Such a shame – they would have loved that
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While climbing in the attic space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I’d forgotten last year. Such a shame – they would have loved that puppy.
Puns
Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis? It wooden go.
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Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis? It wooden go.
Short Jokes
Short Jokes
I saw a girl texting while driving the other day, and it really ticked me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
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I saw a girl texting while driving the other day, and it really ticked me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Puns
James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What’s your name? Bond: My name’s Bond. James Bond. Chicken: Nice to meet you, I’m Ken. Chick
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James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What’s your name? Bond: My name’s Bond. James Bond. Chicken: Nice to meet you, I’m Ken. Chick Ken.
Social Posts
Saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologise’ mean the same thing–except when at a funeral.
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Saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologise’ mean the same thing–except when at a funeral.
Social Posts
We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted by someone on our local fitness walking trail, and I was, like, “Good for him.”
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We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted by someone on our local fitness walking trail, and I was, like, “Good for him.”
Social Posts
People tell me that I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.
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People tell me that I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.
Puns
What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic
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What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic
Puns
One woodworm met another. “How’s life?” she asked. “Oh same as usual” he replied “boring.”
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One woodworm met another. “How’s life?” she asked. “Oh same as usual” he replied “boring.”
Social Posts
Can’t believe my neighbors don’t have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they’re on vacation?
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Can’t believe my neighbors don’t have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they’re on vacation?
Social Posts
This morning I went for a run and came back home after 2 mins because I forgot something – I forgot that I was fat and could only run for
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This morning I went for a run and came back home after 2 mins because I forgot something – I forgot that I was fat and could only run for 2 mins.
Puns
I’m going to take up coin collecting. The change will do me good.
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I’m going to take up coin collecting. The change will do me good.
Social Posts
People don’t hold hands in public like they used to. Especially if they don’t know you.
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People don’t hold hands in public like they used to. Especially if they don’t know you.
Puns
I repaired my drum set after my son broke it, now he has to deal with the repercussions.
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I repaired my drum set after my son broke it, now he has to deal with the repercussions.
Social Posts
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from radiation poisoning, does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
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If 4 out of 5 people suffer from radiation poisoning, does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
Social Posts
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I don’t like visitors.
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I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I don’t like visitors.
Social Posts
Shoutout to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is.
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Shoutout to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is.
Puns
Did you hear about the Asian guy who was so terrible that nobody mourned his death? He was unbereaveable.
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Did you hear about the Asian guy who was so terrible that nobody mourned his death? He was unbereaveable.
Social Posts
There is no “i” in “team.” But there’s an “i” in “Tim,” and my friend Carlos pronounces it “Team” so….there.
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There is no “i” in “team.” But there’s an “i” in “Tim,” and my friend Carlos pronounces it “Team” so….there.