A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.”

Two old ladies meet for the first time since they left school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well-planned life?” “Oh yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire, my second to an actor, third to a preacher and I’m now married to an undertaker. “Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?” “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!”

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students.” As you can see,” she says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp too.”

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep the entire store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom. Let me show you how.”