Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but South West Airlines Flight 570 will board from Gate 41. “So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not 10 minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. Again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again. “Thank you for participating in South West Airlines physical fitness program.”

The HMO insurance account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior Modification Re-enforcers.” Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification re-enforcers?” – “Lollipops,” was the reply.

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. “I’m going on a sabbatical to Rome,” the priest replied, “and while I’m there, I’ll light a candle for you.” When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple’s home and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him as well. “He’s gone to Rome, to blow out that candle.”