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Puns
For the 6th time this month, someone broke into my barn and stole a cow. I think it’s time to beef up security.
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For the 6th time this month, someone broke into my barn and stole a cow. I think it’s time to beef up security.
Puns
Q: How do you get your mom to buy you a kitten? A: With a little purr-suasion.
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Q: How do you get your mom to buy you a kitten? A: With a little purr-suasion.
Short Jokes
When I get dressed in the morning I ask myself one question…do I mind spilling food on this?
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When I get dressed in the morning I ask myself one question…do I mind spilling food on this?
Short Jokes
Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private “elf” care!
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Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital? Because he has private “elf” care!
Puns
I still can’t believe someone broke into my garage last night and…stole my limbo stick. Seriously, how low can you go.
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I still can’t believe someone broke into my garage last night and…stole my limbo stick. Seriously, how low can you go.
Puns
Why couldn’t the police identify the dead baker? He was a John Dough!
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Why couldn’t the police identify the dead baker? He was a John Dough!
Long Jokes
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be
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A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
Short Jokes
While eating Thai food, my daughter asked “Where is Thailand?” I said right between winner-land and loser-land.
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While eating Thai food, my daughter asked “Where is Thailand?” I said right between winner-land and loser-land.
Short Jokes
I think my computer is broken. I clicked the home button and I’m still at work.
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I think my computer is broken. I clicked the home button and I’m still at work.
Puns
I failed my paper on condensation. I missed the dew date.
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I failed my paper on condensation. I missed the dew date.
Short Jokes
Did you hear about the dense guy who couldn’t afford personalized license plates for his car? She changed her name to JKM-345
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Did you hear about the dense guy who couldn’t afford personalized license plates for his car? She changed her name to JKM-345
Long Jokes
A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the circus manager. “I have the most unusual act,” he announces. “I’m sure it will
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A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the circus manager. “I have the most unusual act,” he announces. “I’m sure it will amaze you. “He climbs up to the high wire and jumps off! He flaps his arms wildly, and finally his fall slows and the man begins to fly. He soars upward, turns, and swoops back again. Finally, he stops in mid air and gently lowers himself to the ground. The manager says, “Is that all you’ve got is bird impressions?”
Short Jokes
Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this? Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.
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Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this? Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.
Short Jokes
My wife says if I don’t stop using reddit, she will smash my head into the keyboard. I think she is just walked through the 3%joki*nc b*Kvfucnjb*#2cnjfbnc.
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My wife says if I don’t stop using reddit, she will smash my head into the keyboard. I think she is just walked through the 3%joki*nc b*Kvfucnjb*#2cnjfbnc.
Short Jokes
I wouldn’t say I’m fat, but the batteries in my scales are flat.
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I wouldn’t say I’m fat, but the batteries in my scales are flat.
Short Jokes
My boss said, “This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?” I said, “That it’s only Wednesday.”
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My boss said, “This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?” I said, “That it’s only Wednesday.”
Short Jokes
As a guy came into the office, his boss stormed up and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” He replied, “Not particularly.”
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As a guy came into the office, his boss stormed up and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” He replied, “Not particularly.”
Short Jokes
Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards will get a reward.
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Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards will get a reward.
Short Jokes
The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.
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The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.
Short Jokes
My wifi password is “writtenontherouter”…I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it’s literally “writtenontherouter”.
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My wifi password is “writtenontherouter”…I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it’s literally “writtenontherouter”.
Puns
What did one cupcake say to the other? You ain’t seen muffin yet.
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What did one cupcake say to the other? You ain’t seen muffin yet.
Short Jokes
A burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest.
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A burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest.
Short Jokes
Policeman: You’re going to prison for forgery. Me: *Slides him a $37 bill.* “What about now?”
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Policeman: You’re going to prison for forgery. Me: *Slides him a $37 bill.* “What about now?”
Short Jokes
To the person who stole my place in the queue…I’m after you now.
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To the person who stole my place in the queue…I’m after you now.