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Puns
Psychiatrist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying “It’s a madhouse.”
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Psychiatrist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying “It’s a madhouse.”
Short Jokes
I passed my ethics exam. Naturally, I cheated.
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I passed my ethics exam. Naturally, I cheated.
Puns
What would happen if everyone in America switched to kilograms from pounds? There would be mass confusion.
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What would happen if everyone in America switched to kilograms from pounds? There would be mass confusion.
Puns
I went by the Trampoline Park at the mall. Believe it or not, they have a bouncer.
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I went by the Trampoline Park at the mall. Believe it or not, they have a bouncer.
Puns
What would you call a woman if you put her in the middle of a tennis court? Anette.
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What would you call a woman if you put her in the middle of a tennis court? Anette.
Long Jokes
A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend’s house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. “It’s all right, mom,”
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A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend’s house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. “It’s all right, mom,” he said, brightly; “you don’t have to buy them another! Charlie’s mum said it was irreplaceable.”
Short Jokes
Steve is playing with his 3 friends at his tree in the back garden, and his mum comes out and shouts, “If all four of you fall out of that
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Steve is playing with his 3 friends at his tree in the back garden, and his mum comes out and shouts, “If all four of you fall out of that tree and break both legs, then don’t come running to me.”
Puns
Why are great artists so famous? They can always draw a crowd.
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Why are great artists so famous? They can always draw a crowd.
Short Jokes
Teacher: “Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.” Father: “What’s that?” Teacher: “With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.”
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Teacher: “Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.” Father: “What’s that?” Teacher: “With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.”
Long Jokes
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your
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A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?” “Fertilizer,” the farmer replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy. “Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer. “You ought to live here,” the little boy advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours.”
Short Jokes
Waiter, there is a hearing aid in my soup” “WHAT?”
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Waiter, there is a hearing aid in my soup” “WHAT?”
Short Jokes
Dear Grandmother, I’m sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love, Mikey
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Dear Grandmother, I’m sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love, Mikey
Puns
Whoever coined the term ‘delivery’ for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
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Whoever coined the term ‘delivery’ for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
Long Jokes
A lawyer goes in to the cell where his client is being held. “Okay, I’ve some bad news, and some good news.” “Right, what’s the bad news?” “It’s DEFINITELY your
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A lawyer goes in to the cell where his client is being held. “Okay, I’ve some bad news, and some good news.” “Right, what’s the bad news?” “It’s DEFINITELY your blood at the scene of the crime.” “So what’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is way down.”
Long Jokes
On a trip to see Santa, little Johnny climbed into St. Nick’s lap and shared his wish list. Later that day, in another store, there was Santa again!” And what
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On a trip to see Santa, little Johnny climbed into St. Nick’s lap and shared his wish list. Later that day, in another store, there was Santa again!” And what would you like for Christmas?” he asked little Johnny. Shaking his head, Johnny sighed, “You really need to write these things down.”
Short Jokes
Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, “This is Action Man! He’s been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq – and the vacuum
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Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, “This is Action Man! He’s been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq – and the vacuum cleaner twice.
Long Jokes
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the
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The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied. “Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?” “Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.”
Long Jokes
While directing a chorus rehearsal one day, the director was waving his arms and singing right along. All of a sudden a big fly flew right into his mouth. Of
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While directing a chorus rehearsal one day, the director was waving his arms and singing right along. All of a sudden a big fly flew right into his mouth. Of course, he had to stop directing while he was spitting and sputtering, trying to get rid of it. When he finally got it out, it landed on the floor, either wounded or dead. Someone from the back of the room yells, “Hey Will, your fly is down!”
Short Jokes
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
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Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
Short Jokes
Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!” The clerk calmly pointed to
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Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!” The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, “Sir, that would be the airline next to us.”
Long Jokes
Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him. “Why do
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Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him. “Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked. “I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”
Short Jokes
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Why should it?” answered her
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At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Puns
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
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Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
Short Jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad
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A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”