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Puns
Short Jokes
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
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Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Short Jokes
My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
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My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
Puns
My twin brother and I got a barber appointment and decided to shave off our beards. He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins,
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My twin brother and I got a barber appointment and decided to shave off our beards. He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins, we were razed differently.
Short Jokes
Q. What did have Mahatma Ghandi and Ghengis Khan have in common? A. Unusual names.
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Q. What did have Mahatma Ghandi and Ghengis Khan have in common? A. Unusual names.
Short Jokes
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.
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Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.
Puns
My sister keeps judging people by their sound systems. I told her to stop being so stereo-typical.
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My sister keeps judging people by their sound systems. I told her to stop being so stereo-typical.
Short Jokes
I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
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I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
Puns
It’s only a murder of crows if there’s probable caws.
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It’s only a murder of crows if there’s probable caws.
Short Jokes
I got called pretty today. Well, actually, the full statement was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.”
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I got called pretty today. Well, actually, the full statement was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.”
Short Jokes
A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks …“Do you sell flip-flips?”
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A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks …“Do you sell flip-flips?”
Long Jokes
A little girl was sitting on her granddad’s lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes off the book and reaching up and touching his old,
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A little girl was sitting on her granddad’s lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes off the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face. After a few times doing this, she finally asked, “Grandpa, were you made by God?” “Yes, dear,” he replied. “I was made by God a long time ago.” The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, “And did God make me?” “Of course, dear.” replied her grandfather. “God made you not long ago.” The girl felt her own face and then her granddad’s again, thought for a moment and then said, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he.”
Short Jokes
My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. “This parrot hasn’t spoke a single word.” She complained. “I haven’t had a chance to!” Replied
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My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. “This parrot hasn’t spoke a single word.” She complained. “I haven’t had a chance to!” Replied the parrot.
Puns
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It’s not a long poem, but it’s deep.
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I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It’s not a long poem, but it’s deep.
Short Jokes
I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it.”
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I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it.”
Short Jokes
What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past.
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What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past.
Short Jokes
My niece was visiting me and she wouldn’t eat the beef tongue I offered her because it came out of the mouth of an animal. So I made her an
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My niece was visiting me and she wouldn’t eat the beef tongue I offered her because it came out of the mouth of an animal. So I made her an egg instead.
Puns
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
Short Jokes
Pregnant wife: “What should we call it if it’s a girl?” Me: “Herbert.” Pregnant wife: “but what if it’s a boy? Me: “Himbert.”
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Pregnant wife: “What should we call it if it’s a girl?” Me: “Herbert.” Pregnant wife: “but what if it’s a boy? Me: “Himbert.”
Puns
Short Jokes
Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William. They billed us twice.
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Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William. They billed us twice.
Puns
“Danny,” asked Mrs. Waters, “What’s usually used as a conductor of electricity?” “Why?..er…” “Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?” “The what??” “That’s absolutely right.
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“Danny,” asked Mrs. Waters, “What’s usually used as a conductor of electricity?” “Why?..er…” “Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?” “The what??” “That’s absolutely right. The watt.”
Puns
I sent my hearing aids in for repair last week. I haven’t heard anything since.
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I sent my hearing aids in for repair last week. I haven’t heard anything since.
Puns
As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby, but I’ve decided to give it a shot.
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As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby, but I’ve decided to give it a shot.