In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O’Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object. ”Paul replied, “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.” “Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O’Neill, “but what is the object?” “To get the best mark possible,” said Paul.

A man walks into a doctor’s office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose. Confused, the man asks: “Doctor what’s wrong with me?” The doctor looks at the man and replies: “You’re not eating properly.”

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the history teacher that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the history teacher selects infinite wisdom.”Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the history teacher, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.One of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.” The history teacher sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

“Dad, who built the Suez Canal?” “I don’t know, son.” “Dad, who discovered penicillin?” “I’ve no idea, son.” “Dad, what’s the capital of Italy?” “I ain’t got a clue, son.” “Dad, you don’t mind me asking all these questions do you?” “Of course not, son. If you don’t ask, you won’t learn anything.”