Short Jokes
Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank.
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Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank.
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721

Short Jokes
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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461

Short Jokes
Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?Student: The wrong answer.
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Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?Student: The wrong answer.
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467

Short Jokes
My friend set me up on a blind date and he said, “I’d better warn you, she’s expecting a baby.” I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar
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My friend set me up on a blind date and he said, “I’d better warn you, she’s expecting a baby.” I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a nappy.
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846

Long Jokes
Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend,
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Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend, Bob, noticed a dramatic change and asked, “What happened? Nothing seems to worry you anymore. “”I hired a professional worrier and I haven’t had a worry since,” replied Jack. “That must be expensive,” Bob replied. “He charges $5,000 a month,” Jack told him.”$5,000!!! How in the world can you afford to pay him?” exclaimed Bob. “I don’t know. That’s his problem.”
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735

Puns
What happened when the farmer buried the money in the soil? He made the soil rich.
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What happened when the farmer buried the money in the soil? He made the soil rich.
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981

Puns
“I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing. He said, “Knock yourself out!”
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“I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing. He said, “Knock yourself out!”
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324

Short Jokes
A couple of biologists had twins. One they called John and the other control.
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A couple of biologists had twins. One they called John and the other control.
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1199

Short Jokes
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
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59

Short Jokes
I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered all over the world.
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I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered all over the world.
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271

Puns
To change centimeters to meters, you? Take out centi.
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To change centimeters to meters, you? Take out centi.
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689

Short Jokes
What did pi say to its partner? Stop being so irrational.
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What did pi say to its partner? Stop being so irrational.
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1230

Puns
Q. Explain the phrase ‘free press’. A. When your mum irons your trousers for you.
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Q. Explain the phrase ‘free press’. A. When your mum irons your trousers for you.
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1136

Short Jokes
My grandfather had his tongue shot off in the war. Never, ever talked about it though.
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My grandfather had his tongue shot off in the war. Never, ever talked about it though.
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629

Long Jokes
An old deaf guy gets fitted for a hearing aid, and it works like a charm. He comes back a week later and the doctor asks, “Is your family happy
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An old deaf guy gets fitted for a hearing aid, and it works like a charm. He comes back a week later and the doctor asks, “Is your family happy that you can hear again?” And he says, “I haven’t told them, I just sit around and listen… I have changed my will three times!
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29

Short Jokes
What does Santa Claus say when he loses his hearing aid? Huh? Huh? Huh?
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What does Santa Claus say when he loses his hearing aid? Huh? Huh? Huh?
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869

Puns
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive!
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Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive!
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1161

Puns
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render!
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render!
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232

Short Jokes
Shout out to the people who want to know what the opposite of in is.
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Shout out to the people who want to know what the opposite of in is.
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369

Long Jokes
A pizza delivery man hands a monk a pizza. The monk then pays for it with a $20 bill. As the delivery man starts to walk away, the Buddhist then
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A pizza delivery man hands a monk a pizza. The monk then pays for it with a $20 bill. As the delivery man starts to walk away, the Buddhist then says, Where’s my change?” The delivery man replies, “Change comes from within.”
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614

Puns
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
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I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
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328

Short Jokes
“Good afternoon. Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?”
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“Good afternoon. Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?”
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791

Short Jokes
I told my wife her belly was too big. She said, “That’s a bit below the belt.” “Exactly.” I said.
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I told my wife her belly was too big. She said, “That’s a bit below the belt.” “Exactly.” I said.
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199

Puns
One day two idiots decided to drive to Disneyland. When they saw a sign that said “Disneyland Left” they turned around and went home.
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One day two idiots decided to drive to Disneyland. When they saw a sign that said “Disneyland Left” they turned around and went home.
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1178

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