A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage. “When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem. “The flight attendant smiled, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

After a lengthy conference with her estranged husband, her lawyer reported, “Mrs. LaMay, I’ve made a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.” “Fair to both?!?” Mrs. LaMay exploded. “I could have done that myself! Why did I hire a lawyer?”

The preacher was going for a dinner visit at the home of a family where the Dad was a member of the church but the mother was not. The mother was agreeable that her husband could invite the preacher to the house for a meal though. When the preacher arrived, the mother was still working in the kitchen so he sat in the living room getting acquainted with the children. “What are we having for dinner?” he asked. “Crow,” said the little girl. “Oh,” he said, perplexed, “do you mean chicken?” “No,” said the little girl. “Mommy said we are having the ole crow for dinner.”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research. “The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer.”