A father texts his son: “My dear son, today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life. My best love and good wishes. Your Father. “His son texts back: “Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t actually until tomorrow!” His Father replies: “I know.”

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replied, “That would be my wife.

At the movie theater, a young man returning to his seat taps the arm of a woman in the last seat in the row. “Excuse me,” he says, “but did I step on your toe on the way out?” “As a matter of fact, you did,” says the woman, expecting an apology. Oh good,” says the man, “then this is my row.”

A very exited mother asked her daughter, “Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it?” Her daughter replied, “Better than that, four of them recognized it!”

The math teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.” Johnny,” the teacher asked, “where is the decimal point now?” “On the eraser!” came back the quick reply.