Home
Short Jokes
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks. The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view,
Read More
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks. The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, “Can you all see me now? “And they respond: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”
Puns
I walked into a Vietnamese restaurant. I mispronounced all the food items on the menu. I only did it to test the waiters patience. I was having fun, but knew
Read More
I walked into a Vietnamese restaurant. I mispronounced all the food items on the menu. I only did it to test the waiters patience. I was having fun, but knew they were going to banh mi.
Social Posts
I am wonder woman…I wonder where my keys are, wonder where I left my purse and wonder where my money went!
Read More
I am wonder woman…I wonder where my keys are, wonder where I left my purse and wonder where my money went!
Puns
What does a misbehaving nun dip her fries in? Worst sister sauce.
Read More
What does a misbehaving nun dip her fries in? Worst sister sauce.
Social Posts
Ah, Christmas — the time when you sit in front of a dead tree, eating candy out of your socks.
Read More
Ah, Christmas — the time when you sit in front of a dead tree, eating candy out of your socks.
Short Jokes
A woman tells her doctor she can’t seem to lose any weight. He says, “Oh, no problem, just don’t eat anything fatty. “She goes, “You mean like burgers and fries?
Read More
A woman tells her doctor she can’t seem to lose any weight. He says, “Oh, no problem, just don’t eat anything fatty. “She goes, “You mean like burgers and fries? “He goes, “No. Don’t eat anything. ‘Fatty’.
Puns
Q: How do you become a conductor? A: Lots of training!
Read More
Q: How do you become a conductor? A: Lots of training!
Social Posts
Him: Will marry me? Her: No. (2 hours of uncomfortable silence in the hot air balloon).
Read More
Him: Will marry me? Her: No. (2 hours of uncomfortable silence in the hot air balloon).
Puns
Q: Why did the fish go to jail? A: Because it was gill-ty.
Read More
Q: Why did the fish go to jail? A: Because it was gill-ty.
Short Jokes
A man went to his lawyer and stated, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it. “The lawyer said, “No problem,
Read More
A man went to his lawyer and stated, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it. “The lawyer said, “No problem, leave it all to me. “The man looked somewhat upset as he said, “Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like to leave a little to my children, too!”
Short Jokes
Wife: “Do you think it will be a nice hotel?” Husband: “I have reservations.”
Read More
Wife: “Do you think it will be a nice hotel?” Husband: “I have reservations.”
Long Jokes
One day, while out at recess, two boys noticed that a van began rolling down the parking lot with no one in the drivers seat. They quickly ran to the
Read More
One day, while out at recess, two boys noticed that a van began rolling down the parking lot with no one in the drivers seat. They quickly ran to the vehicle, jumped in, and put on the emergency brake. Seconds later, the door opened and there was the principal, his face red with anger. Whats going on? he asked. We stopped this van from rolling away, said one of the boys. The principal, huffing and sweaty, said, I know. It stalled, and I was pushing it.”
Short Jokes
My wife’s cooking is so bad…How bad? So bad, the flies are taking up a collection to get the screen door fixed.
Read More
My wife’s cooking is so bad…How bad? So bad, the flies are taking up a collection to get the screen door fixed.
Social Posts
I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse…I named him Jake from Steak Farm.
Read More
I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse…I named him Jake from Steak Farm.
Short Jokes
A police officer stops a man for speeding and asks if he could see his license. He replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.
Read More
A police officer stops a man for speeding and asks if he could see his license. He replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
Short Jokes
A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven into the living room. How on earth did you
Read More
A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven into the living room. How on earth did you manage to do that? he fumed. Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!
Short Jokes
Two guys on a tandem bike were pedaling up a hill. It took forever to get to the top. When they finally got to the top the first guy said
Read More
Two guys on a tandem bike were pedaling up a hill. It took forever to get to the top. When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, Whew, that was so hard. The second replied, If I hadnt been pushing the brakes the whole time, we would have rolled down backwards.”
Puns
Q: How did the snail feel after running a 5K? A: Sluggish.
Read More
Q: How did the snail feel after running a 5K? A: Sluggish.
Short Jokes
Two clueless fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish. We should mark the spot, he said. The second man drew a large X in the bottom of
Read More
Two clueless fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish. We should mark the spot, he said. The second man drew a large X in the bottom of the boat with a black maker. Thats no good, said the first man. Next time out, we may not get the same boat.”
Short Jokes
On her way back from the concession stand, Marge asked a man at the end of the row, Excuse me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes
Read More
On her way back from the concession stand, Marge asked a man at the end of the row, Excuse me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago? Expecting an apology, the man said, Yes, you did. Marge nodded. Oh, good. Then this is my row.”
Short Jokes
?Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.
Read More
?Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.
Short Jokes
Ive got this disease where I cant stop making airport puns. The doctor says it terminal.
Read More
Ive got this disease where I cant stop making airport puns. The doctor says it terminal.
Short Jokes
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. Lady, he announced, Im the piano tuner. The lady exclaimed,
Read More
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. Lady, he announced, Im the piano tuner. The lady exclaimed, Why, I didnt send for a piano tuner. The man replied, I know, but your neighbors did.
Short Jokes
“Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “Yeah: if something can go wrong, it will.” “Right. Have you heard of Cole’s Law?” “No. What’s that?” “Thinly sliced cabbage.”
Read More
“Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “Yeah: if something can go wrong, it will.” “Right. Have you heard of Cole’s Law?” “No. What’s that?” “Thinly sliced cabbage.”