Short Jokes
A man put out a classified ad that read, “Wife wanted. The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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A man put out a classified ad that read, “Wife wanted. The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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426

Social Posts
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
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As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
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213

Puns
Book: “101 Hot ‘n’ Spicy Thai Food Recipes” by Tung Payne
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Book: “101 Hot ‘n’ Spicy Thai Food Recipes” by Tung Payne
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469

Short Jokes
Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that IÂ’m going for a jog, and then I donÂ’t. ItÂ’s my longest running joke
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Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that IÂ’m going for a jog, and then I donÂ’t. ItÂ’s my longest running joke of the year.
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165

Puns
Q: What do snowmen do in summer? A: Chillout.
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Q: What do snowmen do in summer? A: Chillout.
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555

Short Jokes
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
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645

Short Jokes
Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying
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Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
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513

Long Jokes
The captain of a cavalry fort was having breakfast when his lieutenant ran in the door. “Captain,” he said with a salute, “we’ve just received an urgent letter from our
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The captain of a cavalry fort was having breakfast when his lieutenant ran in the door. “Captain,” he said with a salute, “we’ve just received an urgent letter from our desert outpost. It states their dire need of water.” “The water supply should arrive there in a few days. They can wait,” said the captain. “Sir, I don’t believe so,” the lieutenant replied. “The stamp was attached to the envelope with a paper clip.”
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527

Short Jokes
Television repairman: “So, what seems to be the problem with your television?” Woman: “It has double images. I hope you men can fix it.”
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Television repairman: “So, what seems to be the problem with your television?” Woman: “It has double images. I hope you men can fix it.”
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328

Puns
How do you find your dog if heÂ’s lost in the woods? Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark.
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How do you find your dog if heÂ’s lost in the woods? Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark.
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644

Short Jokes
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
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I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
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1221

Short Jokes
At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve.
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At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve.
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327

Short Jokes
Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with two hands, like in the golden days.
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Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with two hands, like in the golden days.
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931

Short Jokes
Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age youÂ’re supposed to pick them up?
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Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age youÂ’re supposed to pick them up?
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648

Short Jokes
My new stair lift is driving me up the wall!
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My new stair lift is driving me up the wall!
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1082

Puns
What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.
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What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.
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1003

Puns
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.
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What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.
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705

Puns
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
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544

Puns
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.
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What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.
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610

Puns
What would bears be without bees? ears.
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What would bears be without bees? ears.
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832

Puns
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
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Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
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913

Puns
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed vegetable.
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What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed vegetable.
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489

Short Jokes
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
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545

Puns
What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
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What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
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