A Cub Scout troop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely: “Why are you so late?” “Oh,” said one boy, “we were helping an old man cross the street.” “That’s a nice, but it shouldn’t make you half an hour late.” “Well, you see,” said another boy, “he didn’t want to go.”

Dentist begging the patient: “Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?” Patient: “Why? Doc, it isn’t all that bad this time. “Dentist: “There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss the 4 o’clock ball game.”

His exam complete, a nervous patient asks, “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia, and finally he died of typhoid.” “You don’t have to worry about that,” the doc tells the patient reassuringly. “If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.”