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Short Jokes
My favorite animal is my dog, because every time I ask him, “How do I look?”…He always answers me by saying, “Wow! Wow!”
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My favorite animal is my dog, because every time I ask him, “How do I look?”…He always answers me by saying, “Wow! Wow!”
Long Jokes
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his
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Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”
Short Jokes
A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, “You can stay but don’t try to start anything.”
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A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, “You can stay but don’t try to start anything.”
Puns
Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing? I think it’s total non-scents.
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Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing? I think it’s total non-scents.
Short Jokes
WhatÂ’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
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WhatÂ’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
Short Jokes
Little Penny sees Little Millie coming back from girl scouts with several new badges. Penny: “Say, what didja get that badge for? “Millie: “For singing. “Penny: “Ooh, nice! And what
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Little Penny sees Little Millie coming back from girl scouts with several new badges. Penny: “Say, what didja get that badge for? “Millie: “For singing. “Penny: “Ooh, nice! And what didja get that badge for?” Millie: “For not singing anymore.”
Short Jokes
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
Short Jokes
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
Short Jokes
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Short Jokes
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he wonÂ’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes
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A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he wonÂ’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. ThatÂ’s what he will reply and then youÂ’ll have your proof!”
Short Jokes
Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!” The clerk calmly pointed to
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Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!” The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, “Sir, that would be the airline next to us.”
Long Jokes
Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him. “Why do
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Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him. “Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked. “I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”
Long Jokes
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to
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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. TheyÂ’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girlÂ’s mom says, “Dear, he doesnÂ’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasnÂ’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Long Jokes
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and
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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”
Short Jokes
Why didn’t anyone want to eat next to the basketball team? Because they dribble too much.
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Why didn’t anyone want to eat next to the basketball team? Because they dribble too much.
Short Jokes
Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your
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Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
Short Jokes
Why donÂ’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
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Why donÂ’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
Short Jokes
A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”
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A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”
Short Jokes
Why are penguins so awkward at parties? Because they can’t break the ice.
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Why are penguins so awkward at parties? Because they can’t break the ice.
Social Posts
I can relate to blenders because I also scream while IÂ’m doing my job.
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I can relate to blenders because I also scream while IÂ’m doing my job.
Short Jokes
Teacher: Correct this sentence: “It was me who broke the window.” Joey: “It wasnÂ’t me who broke the window.”
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Teacher: Correct this sentence: “It was me who broke the window.” Joey: “It wasnÂ’t me who broke the window.”
Puns
Q: What do you call the horse that lives next door? A: Your ‘neigh’-bor!
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Q: What do you call the horse that lives next door? A: Your ‘neigh’-bor!
Short Jokes
My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, thatÂ’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.
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My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, thatÂ’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.
Short Jokes
Every year, the teacher sent a note home with each child that read, “Dear Parents, if you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise
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Every year, the teacher sent a note home with each child that read, “Dear Parents, if you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, IÂ’ll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home.”