Short Jokes
Which two words have the most letters in them? Post office.
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Which two words have the most letters in them? Post office.
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Social Posts
No one has more false hope than my Fitbit when I get off the couch.
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No one has more false hope than my Fitbit when I get off the couch.
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Short Jokes
How come the fridge is always emotionally stable? Because it’s always chill.
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How come the fridge is always emotionally stable? Because it’s always chill.
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Short Jokes
My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
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My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
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Short Jokes
I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took them two hours to pass the salt.
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I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took them two hours to pass the salt.
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Puns
A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in
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A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
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Long Jokes
The new housekeeper answered the telephone and replied, “Yes, you are correct.” Again the phone rang and the housekeeper answered it. “Yes, ma’am, it certainly is!” “Who was that?” asked
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The new housekeeper answered the telephone and replied, “Yes, you are correct.” Again the phone rang and the housekeeper answered it. “Yes, ma’am, it certainly is!” “Who was that?” asked the owner of the house. “I really don’t know,” she replied. “Some woman kept saying, ‘It’s a long-distance call from Canada,’ and I said, ‘It certainly is.”
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Short Jokes
My father drank so heavily, when he blew on his birthday cake, he lit the candles.”
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My father drank so heavily, when he blew on his birthday cake, he lit the candles.”
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Short Jokes
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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Puns
Why was the computer so tired when it got home from the office? Because it had a hard drive.
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Why was the computer so tired when it got home from the office? Because it had a hard drive.
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Short Jokes
I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.
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I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.
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Short Jokes
Someone stole all my lamps you’d think I’d be upset…but I’m actually delighted.
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Someone stole all my lamps you’d think I’d be upset…but I’m actually delighted.
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Short Jokes
Q: Why couldn’t the scarecrow skydive? A: He didn’t have the guts.
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Q: Why couldn’t the scarecrow skydive? A: He didn’t have the guts.
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Short Jokes
They say Dodger Stadium can hold up to fifty-six thousand people, but that is just a ballpark figure.
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They say Dodger Stadium can hold up to fifty-six thousand people, but that is just a ballpark figure.
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Short Jokes
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
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Short Jokes
Computer salesperson: “This computer will do half your work for you.” Customer: “Then I’ll take two!”
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Computer salesperson: “This computer will do half your work for you.” Customer: “Then I’ll take two!”
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Short Jokes
Guy 1: “Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.” Guy 2: “Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico ‘98.” Guy 1: “Really?” Guy 2: “No.”
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Guy 1: “Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.” Guy 2: “Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico ‘98.” Guy 1: “Really?” Guy 2: “No.”
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Short Jokes
People who say I’m pretentious need to walk a mile in my Louis Vuitton’s.
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People who say I’m pretentious need to walk a mile in my Louis Vuitton’s.
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Short Jokes
Miss Evans addressed her third-grade class after recess: “Did anyone lose a dollar on the playground?” “I did, Miss Evans,” said Rob. “A dollar bill fell out of my pocket.”
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Miss Evans addressed her third-grade class after recess: “Did anyone lose a dollar on the playground?” “I did, Miss Evans,” said Rob. “A dollar bill fell out of my pocket.” “But this was four quarters,” said Miss Evans. “Hmm,” replied Rob. “It must have broken when it hit the ground.
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Puns
What is the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher? Not being able to control your pupils.
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What is the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher? Not being able to control your pupils.
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Long Jokes
A clueless girl is flying in a plane when her pilot keels over. She calls out: “Mayday! Mayday! My pilot is dead!”Air traffic control responds, “Don’t worry, I’ll talk you
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A clueless girl is flying in a plane when her pilot keels over. She calls out: “Mayday! Mayday! My pilot is dead!”Air traffic control responds, “Don’t worry, I’ll talk you through this. What’s your height and position?””I’m five-four and I’m in the plane,” she says.”Repeat after me,” says the voice. “Our Father, who art in heaven….”
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Short Jokes
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
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I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
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Puns
Why couldn’t the duck pay for dinner? His bill was too big.
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Why couldn’t the duck pay for dinner? His bill was too big.
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Social Posts
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
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TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
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