Short Jokes
As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
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As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
Short Jokes
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Social Posts
“In China do the labels read, “Made by someone you know?”
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“In China do the labels read, “Made by someone you know?”
Short Jokes
“Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”Father: “Well, keep at it, son.
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“Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”
Social Posts
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
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If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
Long Jokes
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered: “It’s Adam’s suit!”
Long Jokes
A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, “What will it be today?” Guy says, “Well, I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side,
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A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, “What will it be today?” Guy says, “Well, I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up.” Barber says, “Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that? “Guy says, “That’s how you cut it last time.”
Short Jokes
Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t
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Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t want to live with either one — that both of them beat him all the time. The kid said he wanted to live with the Dallas Cowboys — they never beat anybody!
Short Jokes
Pupil “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
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Pupil “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
Long Jokes
Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys
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Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor’s desk and they just look at each other. Finally, the Pastor says, “Where is God?” The boy just sits there and doesn’t answer. The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, “Where is God?” The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn’t answer. The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy’s refusal to converse and practically shouts “Where is God?” To the pastor’s surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office. The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother’s room. He shuts the door and pants, “We’re in BIG TROUBLE. God’s missing and they think we did it!”
Puns
Humans are born with four kidneys. When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees.
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Humans are born with four kidneys. When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees.
Social Posts
You’ve never actually seen a whole movie because you’re constantly blinking.
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You’ve never actually seen a whole movie because you’re constantly blinking.
Puns
A Mexican man was struck through the chest with a golf ball. They called it a hole in Juan.
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A Mexican man was struck through the chest with a golf ball. They called it a hole in Juan.
Puns
I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
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I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
Long Jokes
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The
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A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
Short Jokes
My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now.
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My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now.
Puns
Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them…love means nothing to them.
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Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them…love means nothing to them.
Short Jokes
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
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I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Short Jokes
Where do surfers learn to surf? At boarding school.
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Where do surfers learn to surf? At boarding school.
Short Jokes
My neighbor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
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My neighbor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
Puns
I ate a clock yesterday, it was time-consuming.
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I ate a clock yesterday, it was time-consuming.
Short Jokes
The artist thought his favorite paint had been stolen, but it was just a pigment of his imagination.
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The artist thought his favorite paint had been stolen, but it was just a pigment of his imagination.
Short Jokes
I was in the “cheap seats” at the Rodeo and I began to heckle the people in front because they were getting splashed by mud……boy, did I get some dirty
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I was in the “cheap seats” at the Rodeo and I began to heckle the people in front because they were getting splashed by mud……boy, did I get some dirty looks.
Short Jokes
Two cows are standing in a wide-open field. One cow says to the other cow, “Hey, are you worried about that mad cow disease?” The second cow says, “Why would
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Two cows are standing in a wide-open field. One cow says to the other cow, “Hey, are you worried about that mad cow disease?” The second cow says, “Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I’m an airplane!”
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