A man crosses the road from a hospital and enters a bar and immediately asks for three whiskey shots and a beer. The barman pours the drinks and the man swallows each whiskey in one swallow. The barman is alarmed by this and expresses his concern, only for the man to reply, ”IF YOU HAD WHAT I HAVE THEN YOU WOULD BE KNOCKING THE DRINKS BACK TOO!” The barman places the beer on the counter and watches the man chug down the brew and asks sympathetically, “What have you got?” The man places the empty glass down and replies, “An empty wallet.”

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. “Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner. ”The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner. ”The man replied, “I know, but your neighbors did.”

Cletus and Clovis went to the big city to spend the day to hang out. While they were there they walked by a court house and decided to pay a visit while a trial was in progress… Cletus: “I’ve no doubt about this case. One glance at that fellow over there tells me he’s guilty.” Clovis: “Shssh! That’s the judge!”

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage? she asked, winded. “Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”