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Puns
Why are melons the saddest fruit? They get melancholy.
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Why are melons the saddest fruit? They get melancholy.
Short Jokes
Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Social Posts
A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist.
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A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist.
Short Jokes
Teacher: “What is the present tense for the sentence ‘I killed someone’?” Student: “The present tense would be ‘I am in prison.’”
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Teacher: “What is the present tense for the sentence ‘I killed someone’?” Student: “The present tense would be ‘I am in prison.’”
Short Jokes
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
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The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Short Jokes
A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said – “Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster……”
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A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said – “Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster……”
Short Jokes
A man asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give him one of those. So I gave him my electric bill.
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A man asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give him one of those. So I gave him my electric bill.
Short Jokes
They say “don’t try this at home”, so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
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They say “don’t try this at home”, so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
Social Posts
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
Short Jokes
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
Social Posts
I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Short Jokes
My parents are always telling me that their world doesn’t revolve around me. So I guess that means that I’m not actually their sun.
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My parents are always telling me that their world doesn’t revolve around me. So I guess that means that I’m not actually their sun.
Short Jokes
My niece calls me Ankle
I call her my knees. We are a joint-family.
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My niece calls me Ankle
I call her my knees. We are a joint-family.
Social Posts
Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It’s kids. I have kids.
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Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It’s kids. I have kids.
Long Jokes
A woman who’s 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby… Doc: “You actually had twins, a boy
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A woman who’s 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby… Doc: “You actually had twins, a boy and a girl, and they’re both fine. Luckily, we had your brother name the children for you.” Woman: “Oh no! Not my brother! He’s an idiot. What did he name the girl?” Doc: “Denise” Woman: “Oh, that’s not too bad. What did he name the boy?” Doc: “Denephew.”
Short Jokes
I asked my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper, she laughed at me and said “oh uncle, you’re so old. Just use my phone,” so I slammed her
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I asked my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper, she laughed at me and said “oh uncle, you’re so old. Just use my phone,” so I slammed her phone against the wall to kill the fly.
Social Posts
The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.
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The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.
Short Jokes
My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game .”You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him. “How much is six plus nine plus eight?”
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My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game .”You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him. “How much is six plus nine plus eight?” “Five,” answered Felix. “Okay,” my brother said, “let’s go.”
Short Jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
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My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
Short Jokes
I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
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I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
Social Posts
If theres an infinite number of realities, then theres a reality where there arent any realities…
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If theres an infinite number of realities, then theres a reality where there arent any realities…
Puns
“Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!” “Well, it was ground this morning!”
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“Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!” “Well, it was ground this morning!”
Short Jokes
The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, its been stuck in my head ever since.
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The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, its been stuck in my head ever since.
Puns
Why shouldn’t you iron a 4 leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck!
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Why shouldn’t you iron a 4 leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck!