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Short Jokes
To the person who invented infinity: “Thanks for everything.”
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To the person who invented infinity: “Thanks for everything.”
Puns
Why did the pig get hired by the restaurant? He was reallly good at bacon.
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Why did the pig get hired by the restaurant? He was reallly good at bacon.
Short Jokes
I’m getting totally fed up with people whining about the price of things…$2.50 for ice tea, $3.50 for a coffee, $4 for a slice of cake, and $5 to park.
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I’m getting totally fed up with people whining about the price of things…$2.50 for ice tea, $3.50 for a coffee, $4 for a slice of cake, and $5 to park. Anymore complaining and I’m going to stop inviting people over.
Short Jokes
I used to be a bookworm, then I discovered books on tape…now I’m a tapeworm.
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I used to be a bookworm, then I discovered books on tape…now I’m a tapeworm.
Short Jokes
A woman looks in the mirror and says “I look fat” and then asks her husband to give her a compliment. He says, “Ok, you have perfect eye sight.”
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A woman looks in the mirror and says “I look fat” and then asks her husband to give her a compliment. He says, “Ok, you have perfect eye sight.”
Short Jokes
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Short Jokes
My eyes were bothering me so I went to an optimist. He said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
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My eyes were bothering me so I went to an optimist. He said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
Puns
I ordered an axe from overseas and had it shipped, I would have a foreign axe scent.
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I ordered an axe from overseas and had it shipped, I would have a foreign axe scent.
Short Jokes
Before I became a full time comedian, I worked in an office and one day my boss asked me to start the meeting off with a joke, so I passed
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Before I became a full time comedian, I worked in an office and one day my boss asked me to start the meeting off with a joke, so I passed around my pay stub.
Puns
We told the restaurant manager that our salads were a bit on the dry side. It was just one of those situations that needed addressing.
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We told the restaurant manager that our salads were a bit on the dry side. It was just one of those situations that needed addressing.
Short Jokes
Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? John: You told me to do it without using tables.
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Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? John: You told me to do it without using tables.
Short Jokes
I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought…I don’t even have a coconut!
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I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought…I don’t even have a coconut!
Short Jokes
Sam: Hey John! John: Hey! Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars? John: Really!? Idiots…they could have downloaded it for free.
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Sam: Hey John! John: Hey! Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars? John: Really!? Idiots…they could have downloaded it for free.
Short Jokes
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish.
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I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish.
Social Posts
Almost everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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Almost everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Short Jokes
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
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I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
Short Jokes
Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about
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Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
Short Jokes
Boy: Mom, can I have $100? Mom: Son, money doesn’t grow on trees. Boy: Where does money come from? Mom: Paper. Boy: Where does paper come from? Mom: ……
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Boy: Mom, can I have $100? Mom: Son, money doesn’t grow on trees. Boy: Where does money come from? Mom: Paper. Boy: Where does paper come from? Mom: ……
Social Posts
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
Social Posts
Im not an adventurous type of person – for example, Ive only ever used one side of a cheese grater.
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Im not an adventurous type of person – for example, Ive only ever used one side of a cheese grater.
Long Jokes
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, Congratulations! You’re the father of twins. That’s odd,
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Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, Congratulations! You’re the father of twins. That’s odd, answers the man. I work for the Minnesota Twins! A nurse then yells the second man, Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets! That’s weird, answers the second man. I work for the 3M company! A nurse goes up to the third man saying, Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets.” That’s strange, he answers. I work for the Four Seasons hotel! The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. What’s wrong? the others ask. I work for 7 Up!
Short Jokes
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!” The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say
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A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!” The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’” The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
Short Jokes
This guy in the pub sold me a rare, antique map of the Sahara Desert for only $20 last night. This morning when I sobered up I realized that i
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This guy in the pub sold me a rare, antique map of the Sahara Desert for only $20 last night. This morning when I sobered up I realized that i was a sheet of sandpaper.
Short Jokes
Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
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Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?