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Puns
How as the snow globe feeling after the storm? A little shaken.
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How as the snow globe feeling after the storm? A little shaken.
Long Jokes
A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, “Do you have any grapes?” “No.” he replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the
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A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, “Do you have any grapes?” “No.” he replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies, “No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!” On the next the penguin walks in and asks,” Got any nails? “No.” Replies the teller. “Got any grapes!” The penguin asks!
Short Jokes
My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer. He
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My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer. He said to me, “You can’t drink while you’re working.”I said, “Oh, don’t worry – I’m not working.”
Short Jokes
Paul: “I’ve got problems with mathematics.” Michael: “Me too.” Eric: “Yeah, that makes four of us.”
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Paul: “I’ve got problems with mathematics.” Michael: “Me too.” Eric: “Yeah, that makes four of us.”
Short Jokes
Little Mario came home from school crying. “Mom! At school, everybody calls me mafioso.” “Don’t worry, son. I’ll talk to that principal tomorrow.” “Thanks, Mom. Please make it look like
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Little Mario came home from school crying. “Mom! At school, everybody calls me mafioso.” “Don’t worry, son. I’ll talk to that principal tomorrow.” “Thanks, Mom. Please make it look like an accident.”
Short Jokes
A couple goes to a restaurant and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom. In the meantime, the waiter approaches to take their order. The husband says, “I’ll
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A couple goes to a restaurant and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom. In the meantime, the waiter approaches to take their order. The husband says, “IÂ’ll have a beer.” The waiter asks: “And what about your wife? Do you want a beer for her?” Man: “You know what, thatÂ’s a fair trade. Deal!”
Short Jokes
Judge asks the defendant, “Why did you steal that car, Mr. Jones?” Mr. Jones looks down, “I just had to get to work for an important meeting.” The judge keeps
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Judge asks the defendant, “Why did you steal that car, Mr. Jones?” Mr. Jones looks down, “I just had to get to work for an important meeting.” The judge keeps asking, “Well why didn’t you take a bus?” Mr. Jones looks up, surprised, “Don’t you need a special license to drive the bus?”
Short Jokes
The squirrels must be expecting a cold winter. They’re gathering more nuts than usual. Yesterday my sister disappeared.
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The squirrels must be expecting a cold winter. They’re gathering more nuts than usual. Yesterday my sister disappeared.
Long Jokes
A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Could you please prescribe me something for my headaches?” “OK,” says the doctor, “take this, follow the instructions and come back in
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A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Could you please prescribe me something for my headaches?” “OK,” says the doctor, “take this, follow the instructions and come back in two weeks.” After two weeks, the lady is back and complains, “I’m sorry doctor. I’ve been using this for the past two weeks, I followed the instructions on the package – but nothing happened.” The doctor is concerned, “That’s unusual Mrs. Grimky, what were the instructions exactly?” “Well, keep the lid tightly screwed on at all times.”
Short Jokes
Arriving late for a political conference, the college student asks another student standing by the door, “How long has the candidate been talking now?” “Half an hour.” “And what is
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Arriving late for a political conference, the college student asks another student standing by the door, “How long has the candidate been talking now?” “Half an hour.” “And what is he talking about?” “That I wouldn’t know, he hasn’t said.”
Short Jokes
Son: Mum, where were you when I was born? Mother: In the hospital. Son: And daddy? Mother: At work. Son: ThatÂ’s great. So nobody was home when I arrived.
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Son: Mum, where were you when I was born? Mother: In the hospital. Son: And daddy? Mother: At work. Son: ThatÂ’s great. So nobody was home when I arrived.
Short Jokes
The magic genie agreed to grant three men a wish each. The first man wished for a room full of gold. The second man wished for a room full of
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The magic genie agreed to grant three men a wish each. The first man wished for a room full of gold. The second man wished for a room full of diamonds. The third man wished for keys to those rooms.
Puns
Q: What has a tail and a head, but no body? A: A nickel.
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Q: What has a tail and a head, but no body? A: A nickel.
Short Jokes
A gardener picks up horse droppings off the road. This interests a passerby: “What do you do with the droppings? ”Gardener: “I sprinkle it on my strawberries. ”Passerby: “Funny, we
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A gardener picks up horse droppings off the road. This interests a passerby: “What do you do with the droppings? ”Gardener: “I sprinkle it on my strawberries. ”Passerby: “Funny, we usually use sugar…”
Short Jokes
A guy goes to the Doctors and he says “Doctor, I’m really worried about my brother, he thinks he’s a Hen!” The Doctor says “well have you taken him to
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A guy goes to the Doctors and he says “Doctor, I’m really worried about my brother, he thinks he’s a Hen!” The Doctor says “well have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?”, and the guy says “Don’t be stupid, we need the eggs!”
Puns
What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
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What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
Short Jokes
A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.” The doctor asks the man to come and look out of
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A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.” The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points. “I see the Sun,” answer the man. The doctor turns to him and asks, “Holy cow…how much further do you want to see?!”
Social Posts
What do Facebook and the fridge have in common? Even though you know that thereÂ’s nothing there, you still go and check every 10 minutes.”
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What do Facebook and the fridge have in common? Even though you know that thereÂ’s nothing there, you still go and check every 10 minutes.”
Long Jokes
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Long Jokes
Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp. The genie grants each of them one wish. The first guy wishes
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Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp. The genie grants each of them one wish. The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted. The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted. The third guy says, “It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me…” Wish granted.
Puns
I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes. She had a nasty habit.
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I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes. She had a nasty habit.
Short Jokes
Dad on the last day of school: So, whereÂ’s your school report, my boy? Tommy: Sorry, IÂ’ll bring it a day later. Dad: Why? Tommy: I loaned it to Kevin
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Dad on the last day of school: So, whereÂ’s your school report, my boy? Tommy: Sorry, IÂ’ll bring it a day later. Dad: Why? Tommy: I loaned it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
Short Jokes
Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?” Husband: “With a minute of silence.”.
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Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?” Husband: “With a minute of silence.”.
Short Jokes
A ten-year-old boy comes to his mom and asks her for a snack. “Sure thing, darling, but first, what’s the magic word?” “Wow,” the boy shakes his head, “they really
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A ten-year-old boy comes to his mom and asks her for a snack. “Sure thing, darling, but first, what’s the magic word?” “Wow,” the boy shakes his head, “they really put a password on everything these days!”