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Short Jokes
A venomous snake bites a guy. His friend screams, Oh no, youve only got 10 minutes to live! This is a brutally venomous snake! – The guy says, Ok, call
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A venomous snake bites a guy. His friend screams, Oh no, youve only got 10 minutes to live! This is a brutally venomous snake! – The guy says, Ok, call the doctor and make it bite me again and again so I can gain some time!
Short Jokes
A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the
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A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train. The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, youll be able to catch the 4:11 train
Short Jokes
Husband on phone: “I’m in the interview now. They want to know if I can think independently…what should I tell them?”
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Husband on phone: “I’m in the interview now. They want to know if I can think independently…what should I tell them?”
Puns
Wife: Why dont you take the energy you expend telling terrible dad jokes and refocus it on writing a book instead? Me: Thats a novel idea.
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Wife: Why dont you take the energy you expend telling terrible dad jokes and refocus it on writing a book instead? Me: Thats a novel idea.
Short Jokes
Two caterpillars were crawling along a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: “You’ll never get me up in one of
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Two caterpillars were crawling along a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: “You’ll never get me up in one of those things!”
Puns
I just mashed up some Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes into paste and used it between my bathroom tiles I was installing. They’re Grrrrrout!
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I just mashed up some Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes into paste and used it between my bathroom tiles I was installing. They’re Grrrrrout!
Short Jokes
At a job Interview: Interviewer: What are your strengths? Applicant: I take matters in my own hands. Interviewer: Ok, thank you. We will contact you. Applicant: No, I will contact
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At a job Interview: Interviewer: What are your strengths? Applicant: I take matters in my own hands. Interviewer: Ok, thank you. We will contact you. Applicant: No, I will contact you.
Long Jokes
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me
I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Short Jokes
A man goes to the lawyer: What is your fee? Lawyer says: $1000 for 3 questions. Man: Wow – thats so much, isnt it a bit expensive? Lawyer: Yes, what
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A man goes to the lawyer: What is your fee? Lawyer says: $1000 for 3 questions. Man: Wow – thats so much, isnt it a bit expensive? Lawyer: Yes, what is your third question?
Short Jokes
A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig! “The
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A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig! “The man nods, “Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!”
Puns
I have a fear of giants…it’s called fefi-phobia.
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I have a fear of giants…it’s called fefi-phobia.
Puns
A doctor broke his leg when he was auditioning for a play. Luckily, he still made the cast.
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A doctor broke his leg when he was auditioning for a play. Luckily, he still made the cast.
Puns
I always remember my teacher saying I had nothing but twigs for brains. Just sticks in my mind.
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I always remember my teacher saying I had nothing but twigs for brains. Just sticks in my mind.
Short Jokes
An old teacher asked her students… “if I say I am beautiful, what tense is that?” A student replied…”It’s obviously past tense.”
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An old teacher asked her students… “if I say I am beautiful, what tense is that?” A student replied…”It’s obviously past tense.”
Short Jokes
A drunk man arrives for his day in court. He appears before the judge, who looks down at his case file and says, Youve been brought here for drinking. The
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A drunk man arrives for his day in court. He appears before the judge, who looks down at his case file and says, Youve been brought here for drinking. The drunk man smiles widely and says, Great! Lets start the drinking!
Short Jokes
A policeman came to my door yesterday and asked, Where were you between four and six? So, I said, Probably either in kindergarten or first grade.
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A policeman came to my door yesterday and asked, Where were you between four and six? So, I said, Probably either in kindergarten or first grade.
Short Jokes
Him: “How is it possible that your single?” Her: “You’re
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Him: “How is it possible that your single?” Her: “You’re
Long Jokes
A man goes to the dentist for his six-month exam. The man tells the dentist, My teeth are great. I never use mouthwash, rarely brush my teeth, never floss, never
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A man goes to the dentist for his six-month exam. The man tells the dentist, My teeth are great. I never use mouthwash, rarely brush my teeth, never floss, never use a breath mint, and eat onions and garlic with just about every meal. I also never have bad breath. The dentist agrees his teeth are decent, but he will need an operation. On what? the man asks. The dentist responds quickly, Your nose.
Puns
A patient and psychologist were meeting for the first time. I think Im a goat, the patient tells the new doctor. All right, the doctor says as he jots notes
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A patient and psychologist were meeting for the first time. I think Im a goat, the patient tells the new doctor. All right, the doctor says as he jots notes down. And how long have you had this feeling? The man told him, Ever since I was a kid.
Puns
Why was the kid late to school every day? The teacher said it was never too late to learn.
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Why was the kid late to school every day? The teacher said it was never too late to learn.
Puns
Did you hear that NASA has lauched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.
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Did you hear that NASA has lauched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.
Puns
Mom: I found a restaurant where we can eat dirt cheap! Dad: Id rather eat steak.
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Mom: I found a restaurant where we can eat dirt cheap! Dad: Id rather eat steak.
Puns
Why did Eds parents name their second son Ed, too? Because two Eds are better than one.
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Why did Eds parents name their second son Ed, too? Because two Eds are better than one.
Long Jokes
A man is telling a bartender about the craziest day of his life. It was unreal, the man recalls. Im on this horse thats galloping at top speed. On the
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A man is telling a bartender about the craziest day of his life. It was unreal, the man recalls. Im on this horse thats galloping at top speed. On the right side of me is this elephant going as fast as the horse. Right in front of us is another horse going just fast enough so we dont hit him, and about ten feet behind us is a lion giving chase. He could catch us at any minute! The bartender is in shock. My God, he says to man. What did you do? Well, I had no choice, the man replies, taking a sip of his beer. I got my drunk butt off that merry-go-round as fast as possible.