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Long Jokes
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So
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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care. The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.” Next, though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.” The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?” The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as they can fit in the cannon.”
Short Jokes
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
Short Jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says “have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?” The other one says “yeah, makes me glad I’m
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A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says “have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?” The other one says “yeah, makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Short Jokes
What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them.
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What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them.
Short Jokes
A woman in labor suddenly shouted – “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!”. Don’t worry said the doctor, those are just contractions.
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted – “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!”. Don’t worry said the doctor, those are just contractions.
Short Jokes
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
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A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Puns
Puns
How do you put a baby alien to sleep? You rocket.
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How do you put a baby alien to sleep? You rocket.
Puns
Only small babies are delivered by stork, the big ones need a crane.
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Only small babies are delivered by stork, the big ones need a crane.
Puns
What did the sick comic say in the hospital? IÂ’m here all weak.
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What did the sick comic say in the hospital? IÂ’m here all weak.
Puns
I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.
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I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.
Puns
By shear coincidence, all these sheep look the same.
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By shear coincidence, all these sheep look the same.
Puns
I just heard they wonÂ’t be making any longer.
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I just heard they wonÂ’t be making any longer.
Puns
My kid swallowed some coins, the doctor told me to just wait. No change yet.
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My kid swallowed some coins, the doctor told me to just wait. No change yet.
Puns
After the birth of your child, your role in life will become apparent.
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After the birth of your child, your role in life will become apparent.
Puns
Puns
I suffer from kleptomania. But I take something for it.
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I suffer from kleptomania. But I take something for it.
Puns
Why canÂ’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because itÂ’s past tents.
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Why canÂ’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because itÂ’s past tents.
Puns
What are windmillsÂ’ favorite genre of music? TheyÂ’re big metal fans.
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What are windmillsÂ’ favorite genre of music? TheyÂ’re big metal fans.
Puns
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
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I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
Puns
How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight? Because I have never seen a hawk wearing glasses.
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How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight? Because I have never seen a hawk wearing glasses.
Puns
Why do witches have brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
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Why do witches have brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!