Puns
What do you call a cow with 3 horns? A mooooo-tation.
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What do you call a cow with 3 horns? A mooooo-tation.
Puns
There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50.The only thing wrong was that there was no
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There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50.The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control – but at that price, I couldn’t turn it down.
Short Jokes
Went for a job interview as a blacksmith and the guy asked me if I had ever shoed a horse. I said, “no, but I’ve told a donkey to go
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Went for a job interview as a blacksmith and the guy asked me if I had ever shoed a horse. I said, “no, but I’ve told a donkey to go away”.
Puns
Teacher: John, where are the Great Plains? John: At the airport.
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Teacher: John, where are the Great Plains? John: At the airport.
Short Jokes
Louis was talking to his friend Pete. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my Becky,” he said, “and there’s nothing Becky wouldn’t do for me, and that’s how we go
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Louis was talking to his friend Pete. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my Becky,” he said, “and there’s nothing Becky wouldn’t do for me, and that’s how we go through life – doing nothing for each other.”
Short Jokes
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.
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Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Short Jokes
The hotels bathrobes are so thick, I can’t get my suitcase closed.
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The hotels bathrobes are so thick, I can’t get my suitcase closed.
Short Jokes
Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me. Imagine how relieved I was when a couple minutes later she texted, “Sorry, wrong number”.
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Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me. Imagine how relieved I was when a couple minutes later she texted, “Sorry, wrong number”.
Puns
Time flies when you’re wearing a watch inside an airplane.
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Time flies when you’re wearing a watch inside an airplane.
Short Jokes
A minister lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his Florida congregation. He said, “It’s so beautiful here in the winter that heaven doesn’t interest them.
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A minister lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his Florida congregation. He said, “It’s so beautiful here in the winter that heaven doesn’t interest them. And it’s so hot here in the summer that hell doesn’t scare them!”
Long Jokes
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, “Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on
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Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, “Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!” The other Buddy says, “When my wife goes off on me I just don’t listen.” How do you do that?’ says the other. “It’s easy! I turn off the light.”
Short Jokes
Always give 100%…unless you’re giving blood.
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Always give 100%…unless you’re giving blood.
Short Jokes
Who invented the first airplane that couldn’t fly? The Wrong Brothers.
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Who invented the first airplane that couldn’t fly? The Wrong Brothers.
Short Jokes
If my calculations are correct, someone else did them for me.
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If my calculations are correct, someone else did them for me.
Short Jokes
We stopped asking if people at our church could volunteer in the nursery. We now ask them if they want to play “Call of Doody”.
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We stopped asking if people at our church could volunteer in the nursery. We now ask them if they want to play “Call of Doody”.
Short Jokes
You know you’re getting old when your wife ask you if you ‘wanna neck’ and hands you a piece of chicken.
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You know you’re getting old when your wife ask you if you ‘wanna neck’ and hands you a piece of chicken.
Short Jokes
I got a tattoo from a temporary tattoo parlor. It had been over a month and the tattoo was still there so I went back to complain, and the place
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I got a tattoo from a temporary tattoo parlor. It had been over a month and the tattoo was still there so I went back to complain, and the place was gone.
Puns
Last night I dreamed I was a vinyl record. I woke up feeling groovy.
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Last night I dreamed I was a vinyl record. I woke up feeling groovy.
Puns
My plumber accidently connected my toilet to the hot water heater. Now I keep having hot flushes.
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My plumber accidently connected my toilet to the hot water heater. Now I keep having hot flushes.
Long Jokes
An elderly couple was sitting on their front porch one day when the husband said: “Whenever I get at mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do
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An elderly couple was sitting on their front porch one day when the husband said: “Whenever I get at mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper?” “I just go and clean the toilet,” his wife replied. “How does that help?” asked her husband. “I use your toothbrush.”
Puns
I’m going to take up coin collecting. The change will do me good.
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I’m going to take up coin collecting. The change will do me good.
Short Jokes
The other day I was thinking, “I tend to overthink things.”. Then I thought, “do I though?”.
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The other day I was thinking, “I tend to overthink things.”. Then I thought, “do I though?”.
Long Jokes
Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t
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Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t want to live with either one – that both of them beat him all the time. The kid said he wanted to live with the Dallas Cowboys – they never beat anybody.
Puns
I went to magician’s school but flunked the final exam. They were all trick questions.
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I went to magician’s school but flunked the final exam. They were all trick questions.
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