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Short Jokes
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
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My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
Puns
I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
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I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
Long Jokes
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and in an irritated voice, remarks, I really cannot depend on you for anything, can I
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A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and in an irritated voice, remarks, I really cannot depend on you for anything, can I ?!
Social Posts
Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? — it activated the front camera.
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Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? — it activated the front camera.
Short Jokes
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Puns
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
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Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Short Jokes
Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
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Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
Puns
Why should golfers always bring an extra pair of pants with them? In case they get a hole-in-one.
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Why should golfers always bring an extra pair of pants with them? In case they get a hole-in-one.
Short Jokes
I went to the movies last night. It was incredible! Crashing cars, burning buildings, people fighting with guns — and then I got to the theater!
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I went to the movies last night. It was incredible! Crashing cars, burning buildings, people fighting with guns — and then I got to the theater!
Puns
Why did the professor wear his sunglasses to class? Because his students were so bright.
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Why did the professor wear his sunglasses to class? Because his students were so bright.
Social Posts
Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me. Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted, “Sorry, wrong number”.
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Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me. Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted, “Sorry, wrong number”.
Short Jokes
It’s been a strange day. First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.
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It’s been a strange day. First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.
Puns
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after giving my first lesson. Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
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I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after giving my first lesson. Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
Short Jokes
My doctor gave me a hard time about my health so I bought a puppy and named him Five Miles. Now, when I see my doctor, I tell him, “Yep.
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My doctor gave me a hard time about my health so I bought a puppy and named him Five Miles. Now, when I see my doctor, I tell him, “Yep. I walked Five Miles this morning!”
Social Posts
You know what they say about cliffhangers – – –
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You know what they say about cliffhangers – – –
Short Jokes
My co-worker said, “If the boss doesn’t take back what he said, I’m leaving the company.” I asked. “What’d he say?”, he said, “Leave the company.”
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My co-worker said, “If the boss doesn’t take back what he said, I’m leaving the company.” I asked. “What’d he say?”, he said, “Leave the company.”
Social Posts
I don’t understand fast food. I’ve been eating it for years and I seem to be getting slower and slower.
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I don’t understand fast food. I’ve been eating it for years and I seem to be getting slower and slower.
Short Jokes
I bought a parrot last week because I thought it’d be cool to have a pet that could talk. But, it couldn’t say “I’m hungry”, so it died.
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I bought a parrot last week because I thought it’d be cool to have a pet that could talk. But, it couldn’t say “I’m hungry”, so it died.
Social Posts
I never question myself. Why should I start now?
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I never question myself. Why should I start now?
Social Posts
My wife won’t stop getting on my case about me for spending $75 on a fake Rolex. Really, she hasn’t stopped nagging me since 1.83 o’clock.
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My wife won’t stop getting on my case about me for spending $75 on a fake Rolex. Really, she hasn’t stopped nagging me since 1.83 o’clock.
Puns
I went to an Italian restaurant, and they had spaghetti on the menu. So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.
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I went to an Italian restaurant, and they had spaghetti on the menu. So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.
Puns
Local Headline. “Man Jailed in Fake Washing Powder Scam.” Obviously, they’re trying to deter guys like him.
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Local Headline. “Man Jailed in Fake Washing Powder Scam.” Obviously, they’re trying to deter guys like him.
Long Jokes
My girlfriend now says she’s leaving me because I always relate everything to Batman — what a joker. A few months earlier, she threatened to leave because I’m not an
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My girlfriend now says she’s leaving me because I always relate everything to Batman — what a joker. A few months earlier, she threatened to leave because I’m not an effective communicator — fortunately, the email I sent her about it changed her mind.
Short Jokes
Last night my wife called me lazy — I was so taken aback I almost fell off my stairlift.
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Last night my wife called me lazy — I was so taken aback I almost fell off my stairlift.