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Short Jokes
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
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Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Short Jokes
Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
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Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Short Jokes
What do you call anxious dinosaurs? Nervous Rex.
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What do you call anxious dinosaurs? Nervous Rex.
Short Jokes
Man goes into a pet store looking to buy a pet fly. The shopkeeper says “We don’t sell flies”. The man replied “I just saw one in your window.”
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Man goes into a pet store looking to buy a pet fly. The shopkeeper says “We don’t sell flies”. The man replied “I just saw one in your window.”
Short Jokes
Joe: “I’ve heard about your wit.” Moe: “Oh, that’s nothing.” Joe: “Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.”
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Joe: “I’ve heard about your wit.” Moe: “Oh, that’s nothing.” Joe: “Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.”
Short Jokes
Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.” Doctor: “How come?” Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet,
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Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.” Doctor: “How come?” Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.”
Short Jokes
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones? Anything you’d like, it can’t hear you.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones? Anything you’d like, it can’t hear you.
Short Jokes
I asked the librarian if they had any books on the Titanic. She said “Yes, quite a few!” I responded “That’s too bad. They’re all ruined by now.”
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on the Titanic. She said “Yes, quite a few!” I responded “That’s too bad. They’re all ruined by now.”
Short Jokes
I asked my aunt, “How much is a couple?”“2 or 3,” she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
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I asked my aunt, “How much is a couple?”“2 or 3,” she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
Short Jokes
My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. “This parrot hasn’t spoke a single word.” She complained. “I haven’t had a chance to!” Replied
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My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. “This parrot hasn’t spoke a single word.” She complained. “I haven’t had a chance to!” Replied the parrot.
Short Jokes
A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks …“Do you sell flip-flips?”
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A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks …“Do you sell flip-flips?”
Short Jokes
I got called pretty today. Well, actually, the full statement was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.”
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I got called pretty today. Well, actually, the full statement was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.”
Short Jokes
I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
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I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
Short Jokes
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.
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Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.
Short Jokes
Q. What did have Mahatma Ghandi and Ghengis Khan have in common? A. Unusual names.
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Q. What did have Mahatma Ghandi and Ghengis Khan have in common? A. Unusual names.
Short Jokes
Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William. They billed us twice.
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Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William. They billed us twice.
Short Jokes
Pregnant wife: “What should we call it if it’s a girl?” Me: “Herbert.” Pregnant wife: “but what if it’s a boy? Me: “Himbert.”
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Pregnant wife: “What should we call it if it’s a girl?” Me: “Herbert.” Pregnant wife: “but what if it’s a boy? Me: “Himbert.”
Short Jokes
My niece was visiting me and she wouldn’t eat the beef tongue I offered her because it came out of the mouth of an animal. So I made her an
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My niece was visiting me and she wouldn’t eat the beef tongue I offered her because it came out of the mouth of an animal. So I made her an egg instead.
Short Jokes
What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past.
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What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past.
Short Jokes
I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it.”
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I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it.”
Short Jokes
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Short Jokes
I listed my bike for sale and some guy asked what’s the lowest I can go. I told him, “About 2 miles per hour – any lower and you’ll tip
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I listed my bike for sale and some guy asked what’s the lowest I can go. I told him, “About 2 miles per hour – any lower and you’ll tip over”.
Short Jokes
At first, I was feeling shy when asked to go to the school prom on a blind. date, but once there, I danced like no one was watching.
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At first, I was feeling shy when asked to go to the school prom on a blind. date, but once there, I danced like no one was watching.
Short Jokes
If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring…On the other hand,
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If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring…On the other hand, you don’t.