Short Jokes
You’ll win one million dollars if you answer ‘no’ to my first question. Are you in?” “Yes.”
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You’ll win one million dollars if you answer ‘no’ to my first question. Are you in?” “Yes.”
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999

Short Jokes
I was kicked out of an amatuer ugly looking competition…They said I was a professional.
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I was kicked out of an amatuer ugly looking competition…They said I was a professional.
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1033

Short Jokes
My daughter broke up with this amazing guy because he lost both his arms she says he is not handsome any more.
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My daughter broke up with this amazing guy because he lost both his arms she says he is not handsome any more.
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153

Short Jokes
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a half of worm in your apple.
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What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a half of worm in your apple.
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965

Short Jokes
My friend complained about working every Sunday, and rarely gets Sunday toff. I said “what did you expect? you’re a pastor.”
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My friend complained about working every Sunday, and rarely gets Sunday toff. I said “what did you expect? you’re a pastor.”
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80

Short Jokes
My housekeeper has been stealing from me but I can’t seem to catch her in the act. She always makes a clean getaway.
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My housekeeper has been stealing from me but I can’t seem to catch her in the act. She always makes a clean getaway.
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358

Short Jokes
Customer Service: “Your call is very important to us…please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”
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Customer Service: “Your call is very important to us…please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”
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1104

Short Jokes
When I came home from work, my wife said “Ugh, the baby has been crying for hours. Can you take over?” I said, “Sure” and started crying for hours.
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When I came home from work, my wife said “Ugh, the baby has been crying for hours. Can you take over?” I said, “Sure” and started crying for hours.
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825

Short Jokes
I have a time machine for sale. If interested, call me two weeks ago.
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I have a time machine for sale. If interested, call me two weeks ago.
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861

Short Jokes
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
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Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
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708

Short Jokes
What kind of trouble does a five foot man have??? Five feet!!!
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What kind of trouble does a five foot man have??? Five feet!!!
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1206

Short Jokes
People say age is just a number. Yeah, but so is the speed limit, and that still gets me in trouble.
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People say age is just a number. Yeah, but so is the speed limit, and that still gets me in trouble.
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1005

Short Jokes
What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
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What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
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1202

Short Jokes
It’s been a funny old day so far… First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.
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It’s been a funny old day so far… First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.
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968

Short Jokes
I bumped into a beautiful woman while out today. She asked for my phone number… then my insurance info.
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I bumped into a beautiful woman while out today. She asked for my phone number… then my insurance info.
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160

Short Jokes
I’ve just finished reading a book called, How to Avoid Getting Ripped Off. Best $100 I ever spent.
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I’ve just finished reading a book called, How to Avoid Getting Ripped Off. Best $100 I ever spent.
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316

Short Jokes
Mitch: “Why do you have three pairs of glasses?” Dale: “One is for driving, the second is for reading, and the third is for looking for the other two.”
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Mitch: “Why do you have three pairs of glasses?” Dale: “One is for driving, the second is for reading, and the third is for looking for the other two.”
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1144

Short Jokes
My son would never be living in my basement as an adult. He’s smart, ambitious, hard-working, but most of all, he knows the WiFi down there barely works.”
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My son would never be living in my basement as an adult. He’s smart, ambitious, hard-working, but most of all, he knows the WiFi down there barely works.”
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1148

Short Jokes
How do you know no one likes you? I have been in the hospital for 3 weeks. Every day I was getting a dozen of “STAY THERE” cards.
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How do you know no one likes you? I have been in the hospital for 3 weeks. Every day I was getting a dozen of “STAY THERE” cards.
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584

Short Jokes
My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.
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My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.
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224

Short Jokes
Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are
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Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”
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490

Short Jokes
Sydney: “I must have sneezed fifty times today.” Do you think there’s something in the air? Allen: “Yes, your germs!”
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Sydney: “I must have sneezed fifty times today.” Do you think there’s something in the air? Allen: “Yes, your germs!”
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1073

Short Jokes
A magical genie suddenly appears. GENIE: “I grant you 10 wishes.” ME: “Isn’t it usually just 3?” GENIE: “Yes, but you’ve got a lot of issues going on here.”
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A magical genie suddenly appears. GENIE: “I grant you 10 wishes.” ME: “Isn’t it usually just 3?” GENIE: “Yes, but you’ve got a lot of issues going on here.”
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738

Short Jokes
I got a jar of cherries in brandy for Christmas. I’m grateful, not for the cherries, but for the spirit in which they were given!
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I got a jar of cherries in brandy for Christmas. I’m grateful, not for the cherries, but for the spirit in which they were given!
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120

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