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Short Jokes
One Liner. Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
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One Liner. Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
Short Jokes
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. It was bread in captivity.
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. It was bread in captivity.
Short Jokes
My wife had her driver’s test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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My wife had her driver’s test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
Short Jokes
I hate people who use physically impossible metaphors. They make my blood boil.
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I hate people who use physically impossible metaphors. They make my blood boil.
Short Jokes
I am so old…when walking into a bar they checked my pulse instead of my ID!
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I am so old…when walking into a bar they checked my pulse instead of my ID!
Short Jokes
My wife and I had a big fight. Afterwards she came crawling to me on her hands and knees … saying – “You come out from under that bed and
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My wife and I had a big fight. Afterwards she came crawling to me on her hands and knees … saying – “You come out from under that bed and fight like a man!”
Short Jokes
My husband calls me the bomb…Not sure if it’s because I’m super attractive or because I might go off any minute.
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My husband calls me the bomb…Not sure if it’s because I’m super attractive or because I might go off any minute.
Short Jokes
I’m currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer. She’s going for the ribs.
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I’m currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer. She’s going for the ribs.
Short Jokes
For Valentine’s day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus. It’s the little things that count.
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For Valentine’s day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus. It’s the little things that count.
Short Jokes
Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children…Just like the bottle says.
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Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children…Just like the bottle says.
Short Jokes
I’m 45 and I’m just finishing my first book. Can’t wait to read the second one.
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I’m 45 and I’m just finishing my first book. Can’t wait to read the second one.
Short Jokes
I’m a professional counterfeiter. Look, I even have the documents to prove it.
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I’m a professional counterfeiter. Look, I even have the documents to prove it.
Short Jokes
A history degree is useless. There’s no future in it.
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A history degree is useless. There’s no future in it.
Short Jokes
Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?” Student: “A serious drinking problem.”
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Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?” Student: “A serious drinking problem.”
Short Jokes
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Short Jokes
My kids refused to eat leftover tacos for dinner, so my wife asked me to throw them out. I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the
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My kids refused to eat leftover tacos for dinner, so my wife asked me to throw them out. I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
Short Jokes
My wife claims that men in camouflage look really sexy. I just don’t see it.
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My wife claims that men in camouflage look really sexy. I just don’t see it.
Short Jokes
Dentist: “When was the last time you flossed?” Me: “Dude, you were there!”
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Dentist: “When was the last time you flossed?” Me: “Dude, you were there!”
Short Jokes
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
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What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
Short Jokes
My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in for an x-ray. I’ve always wondered what she saw in him.
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My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in for an x-ray. I’ve always wondered what she saw in him.
Short Jokes
I’ve just started a band called The Subtractions – ‘Take it away boys!’
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I’ve just started a band called The Subtractions – ‘Take it away boys!’
Short Jokes
I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and she kept insisting on paying for the meal. I said, “Don’t be stupid, we’re half way down
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I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and she kept insisting on paying for the meal. I said, “Don’t be stupid, we’re half way down the road now. Just keep running!”
Short Jokes
Midwives deserve a lot of respect. They really help people out.
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Midwives deserve a lot of respect. They really help people out.
Short Jokes
Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, “Do you pray for the senators?”He quickly replied, “No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people.”
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Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, “Do you pray for the senators?”He quickly replied, “No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people.”