Short Jokes
Mother: Does your watch tell you the ‘time? Young Son: No; I have to look at it.
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Mother: Does your watch tell you the ‘time? Young Son: No; I have to look at it.
13
630

Short Jokes
Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
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Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
12
438

Short Jokes
I can’t get away from my broken keyboard. There’s no escape.
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I can’t get away from my broken keyboard. There’s no escape.
12
500

Short Jokes
I was shocked when I was diagnosed as colorblind…It came out of the purple.
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I was shocked when I was diagnosed as colorblind…It came out of the purple.
12
161

Short Jokes
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies,
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An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!
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1225

Short Jokes
The football team was losing badly. In desperation, the coach ran over to his worst player and said, “I want you to go out there and get mean and tough!”
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The football team was losing badly. In desperation, the coach ran over to his worst player and said, “I want you to go out there and get mean and tough!” “Okay, Coach!” said the player. He jumped to his feet and asked, “Which oneÂ’s Mean and which oneÂ’s Tough?”
12
404

Short Jokes
Troy: IÂ’m a very famous speaker. I spoke at the Boston Gardens to thousands of people. Paul: Really? What did you say? Troy: Get your peanuts, popcorn, and cold drinks
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Troy: IÂ’m a very famous speaker. I spoke at the Boston Gardens to thousands of people. Paul: Really? What did you say? Troy: Get your peanuts, popcorn, and cold drinks here!
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719

Short Jokes
Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that IÂ’m going for a jog, and then I donÂ’t. ItÂ’s my longest running joke
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Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that IÂ’m going for a jog, and then I donÂ’t. ItÂ’s my longest running joke of the year.
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451

Short Jokes
A man put out a classified ad that read, “Wife wanted. The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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A man put out a classified ad that read, “Wife wanted. The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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1055

Short Jokes
Child: Why does Grandma spray Windex all over her Medicare co-pay invoices? Mom: She said she wants a clean bill of health.
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Child: Why does Grandma spray Windex all over her Medicare co-pay invoices? Mom: She said she wants a clean bill of health.
12
624

Short Jokes
I used to think I was indecisive. But now IÂ’m not so sure.
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I used to think I was indecisive. But now IÂ’m not so sure.
12
716

Short Jokes
I failed math so many times at school, I canÂ’t even count.
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I failed math so many times at school, I canÂ’t even count.
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770

Short Jokes
Agent: “You want your office furniture insured against theft?” Manager: “Yes, all except the clock; everybody watches it.”
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Agent: “You want your office furniture insured against theft?” Manager: “Yes, all except the clock; everybody watches it.”
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852

Short Jokes
My father has schizophrenia, but heÂ’s good people.
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My father has schizophrenia, but heÂ’s good people.
11
922

Short Jokes
I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.
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I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.
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137

Short Jokes
My new stair lift is driving me up the wall!
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My new stair lift is driving me up the wall!
13
1194

Short Jokes
Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age youÂ’re supposed to pick them up?
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Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age youÂ’re supposed to pick them up?
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1016

Short Jokes
Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with two hands, like in the golden days.
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Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with two hands, like in the golden days.
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1046

Short Jokes
At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve.
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At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve.
12
820

Short Jokes
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
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I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
12
168

Short Jokes
Television repairman: “So, what seems to be the problem with your television?” Woman: “It has double images. I hope you men can fix it.”
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Television repairman: “So, what seems to be the problem with your television?” Woman: “It has double images. I hope you men can fix it.”
12
167

Short Jokes
Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying
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Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
13
758

Short Jokes
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
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1165

Short Jokes
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
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448

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