David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

Barber: “Sir, could you please turn the other side of your face toward me?” Client: “Oh, youre finished shaving this side already?” Barber: “Oh, no. I just dont like the

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590

Short Jokes

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than

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488

Short Jokes

What do you call an old snowman? Water.

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469

Short Jokes

My wife asked me if I knew any synonyms for difficult. She really knows how to ask the hard questions!

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974

Short Jokes

What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.

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1072

Short Jokes

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

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1241

Short Jokes

I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.

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1048

Short Jokes

Son: “Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?” Father: “Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white.” Son: “Oh now I understood why all grandfathers’

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975

Short Jokes

The man was looking for a way to get his wife to drive more carefully so he said, “Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!”

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391

Short Jokes

I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

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539

Short Jokes

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.

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211

Short Jokes

I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.

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479

Short Jokes

Father: “You have four Ds and a C on your report card!” Son: “I know. I think I concentrated too much on the one subject.”

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1042

Short Jokes

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

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419

Short Jokes

Shortly after Christmas vacation, Jasmine came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked her, What was the trouble? Jasmine answered, Oh, there was no trouble. You know how

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1135

Short Jokes

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

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770

Short Jokes

“Tell me, the teacher asked her students, do you know what the word cant is short for? Yes, said little Lucy. Its short for cannot. Very good. And what about

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117

Short Jokes

Father: “Well, Alfie, what were your end-of- term marks like?” Alfie: “Underwater!” Father: “What do you mean? Alfie: Below ”C” level!”

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926

Short Jokes

A little boy, who was doing his homework one evening, turned to his father and said, Dad, where would I find the Andes? Dont ask me, said the father. Ask

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608

Short Jokes

What kind of food do math teachers eat? Square meals.

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987

Short Jokes

A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, I dont know, son, Im still paying for it.

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604

Short Jokes

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

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896

Short Jokes

Husband: “Sweetheart, would you say that I’m the only man you’ve ever loved?” Wife: “Of course you are. Why do all men ask me the same silly question?”

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978

Short Jokes

After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber decided to leave his wife. The note on the table simply read…”It’s over Flo.”

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441