Short Jokes
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
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I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
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461

Short Jokes
My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now.
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My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now.
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58

Short Jokes
Pupil “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
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Pupil “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Pupil: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
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757

Short Jokes
Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t
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Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn’t want to live with either one — that both of them beat him all the time. The kid said he wanted to live with the Dallas Cowboys — they never beat anybody!
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280

Short Jokes
“Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”Father: “Well, keep at it, son.
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“Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”
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1098

Short Jokes
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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527

Short Jokes
As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
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As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
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362

Short Jokes
My neighbor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
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My neighbor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
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160

Short Jokes
Where do surfers learn to surf? At boarding school.
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Where do surfers learn to surf? At boarding school.
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526

Short Jokes
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: 0mg.
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Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: 0mg.
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622

Short Jokes
Q: Why do people that talk too much make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
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Q: Why do people that talk too much make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
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1033

Short Jokes
I’m an only child. My other siblings are adults.
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I’m an only child. My other siblings are adults.
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139

Short Jokes
Son: “Dad, there is a hole in my shoe.” Dad: “Yes, Son, that’s where you put your foot.”
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Son: “Dad, there is a hole in my shoe.” Dad: “Yes, Son, that’s where you put your foot.”
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715

Short Jokes
Lawyer: “So you want me to defend you? Have you any money? The accused: No, but I have a sports car.” Lawyer: “Well, you can raise some money on that.
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Lawyer: “So you want me to defend you? Have you any money? The accused: No, but I have a sports car.” Lawyer: “Well, you can raise some money on that. Now, what are you accused of stealing?” The accused: “A sports car.”
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293

Short Jokes
Patient: “I keep seeing double, doctor.” Doctor: “Lie down on the couch then. Patient: “Which one?”
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Patient: “I keep seeing double, doctor.” Doctor: “Lie down on the couch then. Patient: “Which one?”
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297

Short Jokes
Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.
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Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.
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995

Short Jokes
My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
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My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
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1130

Short Jokes
Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. When she noticed me, we went for a run.
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Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. When she noticed me, we went for a run.
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423

Short Jokes
Two cows are standing in a wide-open field. One cow says to the other cow, “Hey, are you worried about that mad cow disease?” The second cow says, “Why would
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Two cows are standing in a wide-open field. One cow says to the other cow, “Hey, are you worried about that mad cow disease?” The second cow says, “Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I’m an airplane!”
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916

Short Jokes
I was in the “cheap seats” at the Rodeo and I began to heckle the people in front because they were getting splashed by mud……boy, did I get some dirty
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I was in the “cheap seats” at the Rodeo and I began to heckle the people in front because they were getting splashed by mud……boy, did I get some dirty looks.
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953

Short Jokes
The artist thought his favorite paint had been stolen, but it was just a pigment of his imagination.
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The artist thought his favorite paint had been stolen, but it was just a pigment of his imagination.
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1169

Short Jokes
“My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.”
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“My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.”
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163

Short Jokes
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
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Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
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60

Short Jokes
I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said “WHERE”?
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I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said “WHERE”?
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1131

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