David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

It’s so sad that in New York, someone gets mugged every ten seconds. Poor guy.

Short Jokes

My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort. Everything started off

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269

Short Jokes

My wife and I can never agree on vacations. I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.

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1103

Short Jokes

You dont need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

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1139

Short Jokes

“My grief counselor dies. He was so good I don’t even care.”

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581

Short Jokes

Patient: Oh Doctor, Im starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

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890

Short Jokes

Patient: Oh doctor, Im just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Dont worry. Mine too.

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177

Short Jokes

Boss: “Everything in this office is worked by electricity.” Office worker: “Oh, I know sir, even the wages give you a shock!”

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366

Short Jokes

After her husband’s annual checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “I don’t like the way he looks.” The wife replied, “Neither do I, but he is handy

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990

Short Jokes

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.”

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171

Short Jokes

I was drinking a martini and someone screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?” I yelled back, “I know the whole alphabet!” And we laughed and laughed. Except for one guy.

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692

Short Jokes

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

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617

Short Jokes

Father: What did you two kids do to today to help your mother? Son: I dried the dishes. Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

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35

Short Jokes

The little girl had been taken to the supermarket by her mother but somehow managed to get lost near the tinned food section. “Excuse me,” asked the little girl of

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946

Short Jokes

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don’t understand why she’s crying. I’m the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

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458

Short Jokes

Ive got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what

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31

Short Jokes

I hate jokes about prom. The punchline is always too long.

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1024

Short Jokes

Employer: If anyone asks for me, I’ll be back in half an hour. New office junior: Yes, sir, and how soon will you be back if no one asks for

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1031

Short Jokes

Forgot my Pin for the 3rd time today…As expected, I’m now banned from Grenade training.

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161

Short Jokes

Student: “I can’t read this correction of yours, sir.” Teacher: “It says, ”You must write more clearly!”

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845

Short Jokes

Wife: “Doctor, my husband’s broken his leg. Doctor: “But madam, I’m a doctor of music.” Wife: “That’s all right, it was the piano that fell on him!”

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659

Short Jokes

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me. I found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won’t reduce cavities.

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375

Short Jokes

My Uber driver really cares about my mental health. Just this morning I got a message from him saying: Im here for you.

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362

Short Jokes

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

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466