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Short Jokes
Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, “This is Action Man! He’s been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq – and the vacuum
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Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, “This is Action Man! He’s been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq – and the vacuum cleaner twice!”
Short Jokes
You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
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You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
Short Jokes
Boss: Why are you late? Me: I was drinking last night and set my calculator for $5.30
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Boss: Why are you late? Me: I was drinking last night and set my calculator for $5.30
Short Jokes
Teacher: If you had twelve sweets, and Johnny took half, what would he have? Tiffany: A black eye!
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Teacher: If you had twelve sweets, and Johnny took half, what would he have? Tiffany: A black eye!
Short Jokes
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”
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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”
Short Jokes
I’m on the snake diet. It’s the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
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I’m on the snake diet. It’s the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
Short Jokes
Teacher: “Laura, were you copying Mandy’s answers?” Laura: “No, Miss Morris, I was seeing if she got mine right.”
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Teacher: “Laura, were you copying Mandy’s answers?” Laura: “No, Miss Morris, I was seeing if she got mine right.”
Short Jokes
I saw a book at the store today called “How to end 50% of your problems” I bought two.
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I saw a book at the store today called “How to end 50% of your problems” I bought two.
Short Jokes
“My twin sister called me from prison. She said: You know how we finish each others sentences? …
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“My twin sister called me from prison. She said: You know how we finish each others sentences? …
Short Jokes
I finally got eight hours sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
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I finally got eight hours sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
Short Jokes
Today I found a twenty dollar bill on the ground. As I went to walk away with it I thought, “What would Jesus do?” So, I went to a store
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Today I found a twenty dollar bill on the ground. As I went to walk away with it I thought, “What would Jesus do?” So, I went to a store and turned it into wine.
Short Jokes
A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said – “Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster……”
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A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said – “Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster……”
Short Jokes
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
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The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Short Jokes
Teacher: “What is the present tense for the sentence ‘I killed someone’?” Student: “The present tense would be ‘I am in prison.’”
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Teacher: “What is the present tense for the sentence ‘I killed someone’?” Student: “The present tense would be ‘I am in prison.’”
Short Jokes
Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Short Jokes
I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
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I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
Short Jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
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My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
Short Jokes
My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game .”You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him. “How much is six plus nine plus eight?”
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My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game .”You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him. “How much is six plus nine plus eight?” “Five,” answered Felix. “Okay,” my brother said, “let’s go.”
Short Jokes
I asked my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper, she laughed at me and said “oh uncle, you’re so old. Just use my phone,” so I slammed her
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I asked my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper, she laughed at me and said “oh uncle, you’re so old. Just use my phone,” so I slammed her phone against the wall to kill the fly.
Short Jokes
My niece calls me Ankle
I call her my knees. We are a joint-family.
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My niece calls me Ankle
I call her my knees. We are a joint-family.
Short Jokes
My parents are always telling me that their world doesn’t revolve around me. So I guess that means that I’m not actually their sun.
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My parents are always telling me that their world doesn’t revolve around me. So I guess that means that I’m not actually their sun.
Short Jokes
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
Short Jokes
They say “don’t try this at home”, so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
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They say “don’t try this at home”, so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
Short Jokes
A man asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give him one of those. So I gave him my electric bill.
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A man asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give him one of those. So I gave him my electric bill.