David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

Innkeeper: “The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you make your own bed.” Guest: “I’ll make my own bed.” Innkeeper: “Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.”

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314

Short Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, “Why doesn’t the stork recognize me?”

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813

Short Jokes

“Dad! You just make up rules!” “I do not. Like what?” “Like if I don’t clean my room a portal will open and take me to another dimension.” “Well, that

1

143

Short Jokes

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”

1

750

Short Jokes

My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, “Heads up, she’s expecting a baby.” Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.

1

835

Short Jokes

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus. Not only was I shocked, but I was appalled, aghast, and dismayed.

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356

Short Jokes

The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, its been stuck in my head ever since.

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911

Short Jokes

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing…he said – Just checking my balance.

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645

Short Jokes

I’ve opened three birthday cards and I’m already $150 up. I love being a postman!

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1127

Short Jokes

Im at the airport and theres a woman completely passed out on the baggage carousel! Shes slowly coming around now.

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231

Short Jokes

I broke my finger today, but on the other hand, I’m fine.

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647

Short Jokes

I fired myself from cleaning my house. I didn’t like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

1

445

Short Jokes

I visited a postcard factory yesterday. It was good, but nothing to write home about…

0

197

Short Jokes

Next week there will be constant rane, hale, drissle, gails, thundre and litning…really bad spell of wether.

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449

Short Jokes

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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1196

Short Jokes

My girlfriend’s such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

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1172

Short Jokes

I saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit’s feet. I thought: “He’s pushing his luck!”

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857

Short Jokes

They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.

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342

Short Jokes

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”

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432

Short Jokes

A Mexican magician told his audience he’d disappear on the count of three. He began counting: Uno Dos *POOF* – then he disappeared without a tres.

0

762

Short Jokes

I cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

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1103

Short Jokes

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

0

921

Short Jokes

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings. When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren’t remotely funny.

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442