Short Jokes - David's Clean Jokes - Page 37

Short Jokes

I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.

Short Jokes

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Short Jokes

I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor raise your hand.

Short Jokes

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

Short Jokes

You really gotta hand it to short people.

Short Jokes

I broke my neck once, but to be fair I havent looked back since.

Short Jokes

The new apartment building has only one unit remaining. Last but not leased.

Short Jokes

Bob: “I just fell off a 50 ft ladder.” Jim: “Oh my God, are you okay?” Bob: “Yeah it’s a good thing I fell off the first step.”

Short Jokes

During their long-term relationship, the pirates girlfriend loved him, wooden leg and all. Then one day she suddenly broke it off.

Short Jokes

When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair.

Short Jokes

“What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?” “A meltdown.”

Short Jokes

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’m doing a 0.0002km run to raise awareness for laziness.

Short Jokes

I sometimes wonder what happened to people who have asked me for directions.

Short Jokes

“Always leave them wanting more” is my standard approach to paying bills.

Short Jokes

My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!

Short Jokes

It wasn’t school that Johnny disliked…it was the principal of it.

Short Jokes

Lady: “Is this my train?” Station Master: “No, it belongs to the railway company.” Lady: “Dont try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train

Short Jokes

Whenever i have a headache, I take two asprins and keep away from the children, like the bottle says.

Short Jokes

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

Short Jokes

I identify as a comedian. My pronouns are he he.

Short Jokes

A male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure. The mail fly swoops down net to her and says, “Excuse me, but is

Short Jokes

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him. But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

Short Jokes

I’ve never had a poached egg…all my eggs have been acquired legally with a permit.

Short Jokes

Girls that don’t get asked out as often as their friends can feel outdated.