Short Jokes - David's Clean Jokes - Page 41

Short Jokes

The best time to add insult to injury is when youre signing somebodys cast.

Short Jokes

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said Parking Fine.

Short Jokes

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Short Jokes

Id like to start with the chimney jokes Ive got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

Short Jokes

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.

Short Jokes

Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions.

Short Jokes

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Short Jokes

Believe in yourself. If cauliflower can become pizza, then you can do anything.

Short Jokes

At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Short Jokes

Did you heart the actor that fell through the stage? He was just going through a stage.

Short Jokes

I’m a kleptomaniac, but I’m taking something for it.

Short Jokes

The young father took a seat on the bus next to an elderly man and plopped his one-year-old on his lap, just as the little boy began to cry and

Short Jokes

I failed math so many times in school I lost count.

Short Jokes

Patient – “Doctor, doctor, I swallowed a tiny fairy-tale book yesterday.” Doctor – “Sit down and tell me the whole story.”

Short Jokes

Teacher – “Give me a sentence with the word ”gladiator”. Pupil – “The lion pounced on the woman and was glad he ate her.”

Short Jokes

Prison 1 – “And what brought you here?” Prisoner 2 – “Competition.” Prisoner 1 – “Competition?” Prisoner 2- “Yes, I made the same kind of banknotes as the Government.”

Short Jokes

“What did you get on your birthday?” Boy: “A set of drums and it is the best present I have ever had.” Friend: “Why?” Boy: “Because my father gives me

Short Jokes

Man: “Could I have a day off, sir, to help my wife with the spring cleaning?” Boss: ”No, I’m afraid not -” Man: “Thank you, sir. I knew I could

Short Jokes

Mother: ‘Where did you get that blackeye, Jimmy? Didn’t I tell you that good little boys never fight?’ Jimmy: ‘Yes, mother, and I believed you. I thought he was a

Short Jokes

I couldnt stand my son’s long hair any longer, so I dragged him to the barber and said…Give him a crew cut. The barber did just that, and so help

Short Jokes

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars. As she was leaving I said – “May divorce be with you.”

Short Jokes

Has anyone else used WD-40 to get rid of mice? It didnt work for me, but it did stop the squeaking.

Short Jokes

I’m not saying that I’m a bad driver…but when I drive, my navigation device doesn’t speak, it prays in Latin.

Short Jokes

Doctor – “You will only have to wear these glasses at your work.” Patient – “That’s impossible.” Doctor – “Why?” Patient – “I’m a boxer.”