Short Jokes
Person 1: The storm destroyed 3/4 of my roof. Person 2: oof Person 1: Pretty much
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Person 1: The storm destroyed 3/4 of my roof. Person 2: oof Person 1: Pretty much
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1224

Short Jokes
In Home Depot, some kid called me an old fart. So, if you’re missing your kid, he’s in the red LG dryer on aisle 17.
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In Home Depot, some kid called me an old fart. So, if you’re missing your kid, he’s in the red LG dryer on aisle 17.
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364

Short Jokes
Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open. So the next day he returned it for a refund.
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Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open. So the next day he returned it for a refund.
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826

Short Jokes
Mom: How do you know the dog ate your homework? Kid: I fed it to him.
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Mom: How do you know the dog ate your homework? Kid: I fed it to him.
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93

Short Jokes
BREAKING NEWS. Walmart is givng out FREE school supplies to anyone who can out run secruity.
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BREAKING NEWS. Walmart is givng out FREE school supplies to anyone who can out run secruity.
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521

Short Jokes
As I was getting in bed, she said, “You’re drunk.” I said, “How do you know?” She said, “You live next door.”
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As I was getting in bed, she said, “You’re drunk.” I said, “How do you know?” She said, “You live next door.”
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583

Short Jokes
Astronaut: Captain, we’re going faster than the speed of sound. Captain: What did you say?
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Astronaut: Captain, we’re going faster than the speed of sound. Captain: What did you say?
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1107

Short Jokes
Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
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Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
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944

Short Jokes
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll climb over my neighbor’s fence and
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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll climb over my neighbor’s fence and get it for you.
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621

Short Jokes
Boss: Today we’re going to be doing random drug testing. Employee: Ok, but I won’t try crack.
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Boss: Today we’re going to be doing random drug testing. Employee: Ok, but I won’t try crack.
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749

Short Jokes
I arrived early at a restaurant last night and the manager asked if I’d mind waiting a bit. I said, “Not at all”. He said, “Great, takes these two drinks
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I arrived early at a restaurant last night and the manager asked if I’d mind waiting a bit. I said, “Not at all”. He said, “Great, takes these two drinks to table 9”.
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185

Short Jokes
My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He’s refusing all food, he’s spitting and screaming at everyone, he’s refusing to wear clothes and he’s threatening violence at anyone who
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My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He’s refusing all food, he’s spitting and screaming at everyone, he’s refusing to wear clothes and he’s threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. Our family is united in our decision: we’re not going to play Monopoly with him anymore!
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258

Short Jokes
A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know
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A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” “Really?” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”
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1008

Short Jokes
I bought a bag of air today…the company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.
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I bought a bag of air today…the company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.
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309

Short Jokes
I’ve always been confused between the definition of right and wrong. When I was a kid my parents would say, “Boy, you have done wrong.”I’d say, “Is that right?”They would
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I’ve always been confused between the definition of right and wrong. When I was a kid my parents would say, “Boy, you have done wrong.”I’d say, “Is that right?”They would say, “Yes.”
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1073

Short Jokes
What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”
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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”
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949

Short Jokes
Q: If love is “grand,” what is divorce? A: A hundred grand, or more.
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Q: If love is “grand,” what is divorce? A: A hundred grand, or more.
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376

Short Jokes
Marriage Counselor: So, what brings you here today? Wife: He takes everything literally. I can’t stand it. Husband: My truck.
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Marriage Counselor: So, what brings you here today? Wife: He takes everything literally. I can’t stand it. Husband: My truck.
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1011

Short Jokes
I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.
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I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.
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348

Short Jokes
Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they’re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set.
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Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Now they’re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set.
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689

Short Jokes
How can you tell you’re getting old? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
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How can you tell you’re getting old? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
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1174

Short Jokes
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?” Descartes replies, “I think not.” And promptly disappears.
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Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?” Descartes replies, “I think not.” And promptly disappears.
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333

Short Jokes
Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You ARE
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Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You ARE on the other side of the river.”
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948

Short Jokes
A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
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A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
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