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Short Jokes
A guy walks into a lumberyard and asks for some two-by-fours. The clerk asks, “How long do you need them?” The guy answers, “A long time. We’re going to build
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A guy walks into a lumberyard and asks for some two-by-fours. The clerk asks, “How long do you need them?” The guy answers, “A long time. We’re going to build a house.”
Short Jokes
A politician, an artist, and a statistician are out hunting. The politician shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The artist takes a shot and misses
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A politician, an artist, and a statistician are out hunting. The politician shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The artist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, “We got ‘em!”
Short Jokes
I use artificial sweetener at work…I add it to everything I say to my boss.
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I use artificial sweetener at work…I add it to everything I say to my boss.
Short Jokes
Just got excited at a crossword clue that was “cheese lovers” and was like, oh! …thereÂ’s a name for people like me?! The answer was “mice.”
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Just got excited at a crossword clue that was “cheese lovers” and was like, oh! …thereÂ’s a name for people like me?! The answer was “mice.”
Short Jokes
Some girl asked me, “Do you believe in coincidences?” I replied, “Are you kidding? I was about to ask you the same question.”
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Some girl asked me, “Do you believe in coincidences?” I replied, “Are you kidding? I was about to ask you the same question.”
Short Jokes
A neutron walks into a bar.“How much for a beer?” the neutron asks. For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”
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A neutron walks into a bar.“How much for a beer?” the neutron asks. For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”
Short Jokes
My doctor gave me a hard time about my health so I bought a puppy and named him Five Miles. Now, when I see my doctor, I tell him, “Yep.
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My doctor gave me a hard time about my health so I bought a puppy and named him Five Miles. Now, when I see my doctor, I tell him, “Yep. I walked Five Miles this morning!”
Short Jokes
A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up. Her husband asked the reason. She replied, “I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it’s
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A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up. Her husband asked the reason. She replied, “I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it’s not recognizing me without makeup.”
Short Jokes
Actual Article Headline: Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
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Actual Article Headline: Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Short Jokes
Actual Article Headline: Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
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Actual Article Headline: Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Short Jokes
Boss told me that as a security guard, itÂ’s my job to watch the office. IÂ’m on season 6, but IÂ’m not sure what itÂ’s got to do with security.
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Boss told me that as a security guard, itÂ’s my job to watch the office. IÂ’m on season 6, but IÂ’m not sure what itÂ’s got to do with security.
Short Jokes
Pavlov is in a bar drinking a beer when a phone rings. He jumps up and yells, “Oh no, I have to feed my dog!”.
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Pavlov is in a bar drinking a beer when a phone rings. He jumps up and yells, “Oh no, I have to feed my dog!”.
Short Jokes
A mathematician wanders back home at 3AM, and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. “YouÂ’re late!”, she yells. “You said youÂ’d be home by 11:45!” “Actually, I said
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A mathematician wanders back home at 3AM, and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. “YouÂ’re late!”, she yells. “You said youÂ’d be home by 11:45!” “Actually, I said IÂ’d be home by a quarter of 12.” – the mathematician replies.
Short Jokes
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says, “Now that you mention it, I smell carrots too.”
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Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says, “Now that you mention it, I smell carrots too.”
Short Jokes
Boss: Did you get any orders today? Salesman: Yes, I got two! Boss: Congratulations! What were they? Salesman: ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!’
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Boss: Did you get any orders today? Salesman: Yes, I got two! Boss: Congratulations! What were they? Salesman: ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!’
Short Jokes
When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. She responded, “No, I just really hate vegetables.”
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When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. She responded, “No, I just really hate vegetables.”
Short Jokes
Clueless Husband [ordering cake over the phone] – “And what would you like the cake to say?” [covers phone to ask wife] “Do we want a talking cake?”
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Clueless Husband [ordering cake over the phone] – “And what would you like the cake to say?” [covers phone to ask wife] “Do we want a talking cake?”
Short Jokes
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
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A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Short Jokes
A woman in labor suddenly shouted – “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!”. Don’t worry said the doctor, those are just contractions.
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted – “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!”. Don’t worry said the doctor, those are just contractions.
Short Jokes
What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them.
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What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them.
Short Jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says “have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?” The other one says “yeah, makes me glad I’m
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A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says “have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?” The other one says “yeah, makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Short Jokes
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”
Short Jokes
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. HeÂ’s dreaming too.
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I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. HeÂ’s dreaming too.
Short Jokes
Grandpa’s last words will stay with me forever: “Quit rattlin’ the ladder ya little hooligan!”
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Grandpa’s last words will stay with me forever: “Quit rattlin’ the ladder ya little hooligan!”