David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

I decided to take distance learning college class — How to Deal With Lifes Disappointments. Yesterday, I got the first lesson by in the mail. It was an empty envelope.

0

549

Short Jokes

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said, “No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody!”

0

197

Short Jokes

Money alone wont make you happy. Youve got to own it.

0

179

Short Jokes

All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of potato chips.

0

299

Short Jokes

My mom is really nice and I love her, but when she starts yelling, even the neighbors start cleaning their homes.

0

383

Short Jokes

I lost some weight once, but I found it again — in the fridge.

0

760

Short Jokes

Intelligent people are full of doubt — I think.

0

1179

Short Jokes

I went to the psychic and knocked on the front door. She yelled “Who is it?” So I left.

0

734

Short Jokes

If I had 50 cents for every math exam I’ve failed, Id have $6.30 now.

0

276

Short Jokes

I enjoy being a politician. People throw all kinds of food at you.

0

578

Short Jokes

Doctor, I have problems with my eyesight. Yes you do. This is a hot dog stand.

0

920

Short Jokes

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

0

991

Short Jokes

Any job is a dream job if you fall asleep in meetings.

0

1219

Short Jokes

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!

0

744

Short Jokes

House warming parties are the number one cause of homelessness in the Eskimo community.

0

492

Short Jokes

It’s difficult to say what my wife does — she sells seashells down by the seashore.

0

554

Short Jokes

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up — I could build the coolest treehouse ever!

0

730

Short Jokes

A magician asked me to “pick a card’, ANY card — So I took his Visa.

0

369

Short Jokes

I had a friend who was addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

0

1125

Short Jokes

What do you call a man who has lost 90 percent of his intelligence? Divorced.

0

515

Short Jokes

If you’re buying a watch on Amazon and it says you can swim with it on — this only applies if you can swim without it on.

0

1070

Short Jokes

I can count the number of chainsaw accidents I’ve had on one hand.

0

167

Short Jokes

My wife called me at the bar. “If you aren’t home in ten minutes, I’ll give your dinner to the dog!” I hurried home. I really love that dog.

0

788

Short Jokes

It’s been a strange day. First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.

0

904