David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

I went to the movies last night. It was incredible! Crashing cars, burning buildings, people fighting with guns — and then I got to the theater!

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1088

Short Jokes

Whats the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

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492

Short Jokes

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

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1087

Short Jokes

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

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1020

Short Jokes

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

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831

Short Jokes

My parents raised me as an only child, which really made my sister mad.

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1017

Short Jokes

My doctor gave me a hard time about my health so I bought a puppy and named him Five Miles. Now, when I see my doctor, I tell him, “Yep.

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1109

Short Jokes

I don’t buy fat free milk because I want to encourage cows with negative body image issues.

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341

Short Jokes

Went on a bus tour yesterday — what a rip-off — $10 just to look inside a double-decker bus.

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198

Short Jokes

My girlfriend’s dream came true when we got married in a castle. Although, you wouldn’t have thought it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

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603

Short Jokes

When I was in school I belonged to a gang called the Secret Seven. We were sworn to secrecy. We were so good that I never found out who the

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495

Short Jokes

I have the memory of an elephant. I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

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1084

Short Jokes

Last night my wife called me lazy — I was so taken aback I almost fell off my stairlift.

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43

Short Jokes

I bought a parrot last week because I thought it’d be cool to have a pet that could talk. But, it couldn’t say “I’m hungry”, so it died.

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260

Short Jokes

My co-worker said, “If the boss doesn’t take back what he said, I’m leaving the company.” I asked. “What’d he say?”, he said, “Leave the company.”

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616

Short Jokes

I was on a diabetes awareness website, and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?

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509

Short Jokes

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of ChapStick. She still isnt talking to me.

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457

Short Jokes

Whats the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market? Start off with a big fortune.

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92

Short Jokes

So what if I dont know what Armageddon means? Its not the end of the world.

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662

Short Jokes

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.

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457

Short Jokes

Its called gross pay because its disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

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61

Short Jokes

A salesperson came into an office one day and said, This computer will cut your workload by 50%! The office manager replied Great, Ill take two of them!

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712

Short Jokes

I had amnesia once — maybe twice.

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477

Short Jokes

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

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870